Trying Being Human
by Helen Nita
Summary: Tom, Hal and Alex are human. But can they really be again after living as an indestructible ghost, a vampire who's whole life was ruled by blood and werewolf who can't even remember being human in the first place?
1. Chapter One

**okay, so this is something I have been thinking about ever since the end of Being Human. Although personally I think they are all trapped in the AU created by the Devil, I wanted to imagine what coming back to a human life would be like to these three. I could have gone happy, but I decided to go the Being Human way of difficulty and angst, after all, life isn't east is it?**

**Hope you enjoy**

**Please review.**

**Many chapters coming.**

**Toby Whitehouse owns these characters, and even though he plays with them no more, I am glad he hasn't locked them away so no one else can.**

**Author's note take two: In this world, Only Tom, Hal and Alex have had their curses removed. Just like when Hal first tried to kill the devil in 1918, the three participants (Werewolf Leader Lady Catherine Glass, Ghost necromancer Emile Parsons and random vampire flunky #2) were effected (killed), so now, the three participants (This time Hal, Tom and Alex) are effected (made human). Vampires, werewolves and ghosts still exist, although our three heroes continue to avoid all that 'supernatural nonsense'**

* * *

'_Alex, your head… You're bleeding.'_

'_It's not just the cut, I'm aching, I feel like I've been hit by a bus!'_

'_The wolf's gone. I can't find it.'_

'_Our curses came from the devil. With him dead, properly dead. They've gone. We're human.'_

'_I just need to know what else there is for me here.'_

'_Me, there's me.'_

* * *

'D'ya have a First Aid kit or sumthin?'

Hal stood behind the desk in reception, his pen poised to update the bookings journal. He looked at the woman, he looked at her hand; it was bleeding, he looked up at her face, blinked and then returned back to her hand.

'Err, Hello?' Said the mouthy guest.

Another Hen Do lady – Hal inwardly snorted, _lady_. He swallowed and placed down the pen in the bridge of the book before looking her up and down. _Weak balance in those heels, It would be so simple: first he would grab her injured hand, jerk her forward so she would fall forward, hitting her head on the desk, then he would push her back, she would fall backwards, he would jump over bar, grab the waist and throw her to the floor harder, front and back concussions. But she may still be conscious so hand on the neck, press down on voice-box to stop sound. Straddle, right leg on thighs to stop movement, grab first left wrist then right and hold at belly level..._

'You waitin' for summat?' she said impatiently at his seemingly blank gaze.

Hal gave a small thin smile. 'Apologies.' He began smoothly. 'I will just go fetch it.' He indicated one of the lobby chairs, 'Please take a seat.'

The woman pushed herself off the desk and tottered over towards one of the hotel sofas. _Very weak balance_. Hal turned away and let out a slow breath.

_Was_ he waiting for something? Of course he was. It has been four weeks since his curse had left him; since his heart starting beating _normally_ and he, Tom and Alex had become the _normal_ understanding of the word '_normal'_. He glanced back at the slouched figure currently picking something out of her teeth. But normal now wasn't normal to him. Inwardly his chest expanded and his stomach knotted. He had got so used to feeling something that he was waiting. Constantly waiting for _it_.

Hal took a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs and unclog his chest. Slowly and with a shaking hand he reached for the small plastic green box from the shelf, fixing a passive and calming smile on his ashen white face.

* * *

'I didn't know what to do.' He said at the house later to a listening Alex who sat balled into a corner of the sofa; a safe distance so as to comfort if needed, and yet seem impartial through physical distance. She had come to understand that Hal did not appreciate intimate proximity when talking about uncomfortable subjects.

He held his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair, his shoulders hunched. 'Before, before I would have seen that blood and it would have, the smell of it and I'dve…'

'What would you'd done?' she asked quietly.

Hal paused mid sentence and looking at her. He knew what she was asking. For Alex and Tom, this was a new Hal, and they were yet to know who the real him was now.

He had noticed it from the first, they would ask him little questions, or left something to see how he would react – like mix up the spoons and forks in the drawer – he'd left it. Or watched his reaction while they put on a horror film – he'd remained silent his weary irritation hidden behind an all too well-practiced mask.

They understood that being human, he was both Good Hal and Bad Hal, but was he more good than bad, more light than darkness? Or was it the other way around? Hal held his breath, even a sigh seemed dangerous. Another test.

Hal looked away and leaned back, resting his arms on his lap. _I would have done exactly what I imagined. I had planned it right down to the last movement every angle, every possibility. Just like I used to when I was at war, and continued when I was him, and exactly the kind of thoughts I fought against so hard when I was yours. _He didn't say anything, the room suddenly felt very claustrophobic.

Alex hugged the cushion against her chest. 'What did you want to do?'

Hal shook his head. He was determined not to let himself get angry. _Just count, one, two, three, four, five_… He could understand why she was asking after all. He decided to come at it from another angle.

'Remember when we were cooking in the kitchen a couple of months ago.' He began, one hand balling into a fast. 'And Tom spilt the hot water where you were standing.'

'Er no,' Alex began alert, she didn't like being reminded of their previous lives, 'And I don't see-'

'You jumped away.' Hal finished over her, raising his voice.

Alex paused.

'You were a ghost; there was no way that water would have burnt, drenched or even touched you but you jumped away.' Alex let her grip loosen and her face relax. 'It was habit. You reacted because you remembered what it would have done to you in the past, even though at that moment nothing did.'

'So you were expecting something to happen with the blood and then it didn't?'

Hal nodded_. I was expecting it to make the first move, the scent to pull me forward so I could decide to run or leap._

'I have spent half my life.' He said in a calm measured voice, choosing each word slowly, cautiously. 'Avoiding human blood like a plague and the other half running towards it.' He paused as a memory tried to come into his head. 'And the _whole_ of my five hundred years, I have had it drawing me in like a siren.' _And I can remember exactly how all of it felt._

'And now you don't hear the siren's call. But that's a good thing right?' Said Alex, leaning forward and rubbing his shoulder. 'It doesn't control you any more, you're free.' She smiled at him with encouragement. 'You weren't gonna really attack her because that's not who you are any more. You're not a violent murderer Hal.'

He returned the smile, he hoped it looked genuine. 'Come on, let's go to bed, it's late.' She took his hand and led him up towards their shared room. 'And remember, it's all gonna be okay now, we've got exactly what we always wanted.'

Hal let her, he nodded and smiled back. 'It's a good thing.' He repeated out loud.

* * *

'What are you doing Tom?' Hal knocked on the door and approached the man that was sitting on his bed in the dark staring out the window. 'We're all downstairs, the film's about to start.'

'Inna minute' Tom said without turning around, not taking his eyes off the glass.

Hal stepped forward surveying the mess that was steadily growing in his friend's room. He frowned but didn't comment, he didn't like mess, but he wasn't about to volunteer to clean it either, not anymore. He navigated a path to beside the bed, observing the frozen form of his friend. He sat next to the former werewolf and followed his gaze out the open window.

'I never seen it this high.' Tom said after a minute. 'Full moons are beautiful aint they.'

'Yes Tom, they are.' agreed Hal softly.

'I never had a chance to just look.' The young man continued. 'Just, watch em for real, you know.'

Hal watched Tom carefully. To be looking at something so beautiful, Tom looked desperately sad. 'I never had a chance before ya know.' He went on. 'It was always like 'Full Moon's comin, must get the chicken out, must find somewhere safe, must do it before the wolf comes'.' He looked at Hal, 'I used to feel it coming.' He said, searching Hal's face . 'Coupla days before I would start feeling stronger, and smellin things, not just nature things, like birds and leaves but people, I could smell their fear, I could hear it. Or the wolf in me could.'

'Tom,' Hal interrupted, he wasn't ready to hear this, not after his conversation with Alex. 'It was a horrific curse that blighted your life. You are now free to do whatever you want.' He stood up, moving his shaking hand behind his back. 'It doesn't control you anymore.'

Tom blinked, his big puppy eyes revealing a question that hadn't quite formed.

'Ah know man. It's just-'

'It's _over_ Tom.' Pressed Hal, his voice getting harder. 'We have been given a second chance at life, and we have to move on.'

By her standards – but probably not Hal's – the kitchen was spotless. Alex grinned at the thought of Hal sniffing around the corners and dragging a delicate finger on the underside of the fridge or something. The smile faltered, Hal hadn't done that since before he was human. If she thought about it, she couldn't remember when he'd last straightened the knick knacks on the fireplace, or rearranged the plates by make rather than colour.

Alex took a deep breath, no point thinking about that now, Human Hal wasn't the same as Old Hal and they were adjusting to their new selves.

* * *

She stood in the kitchen looking around: She had cleaned everything she could clean given the limited amount of supplies left in the house. She would need to go to the shop and get some more.

Alex pulled a face. Or maybe she would get one of the boys to do it on their way to work, or coming back. Hal and Tom were at work at the hotel – after the Devil's massacre they were in hot demand as two of only five employees not to have died in the 'gas leak'.

They had asked her to take a job with them but she had declined. 'When I decide to get a job – which may be after I do my world tour, - I want a proper career, a proper boring job in a big office where everyone greets each other with a bullshit polite smile but don't know their names. Not working in a poxy hotel dealing with snotty kids and cleaning up the sick from the last Stag Do.' Hal and Tom had looked at each other, obviously trying not to take offence.

'Besides,' she'd continued, 'I'm not really a big fan of working where the Devil spiked the cool-aid, I mean, who knows how many ghosts are there!'

'There are no ghosts in the hotel Alex.' Hal had said patiently.

'Like we'd know anymore!' she had snorted.

That had silenced them.

After some guilt from the boys she had relented:

'You can't expect us to do all the work Alex. We don't do this for fun we have bills that need paying.'

'We managed before!' she had protested.

'Yes, when you didn't require any food, or drink, or clothes or washing!' Hal and shot back.

So she'd embarked half-heartedly on finding that career. Hal and Tom had nodded and waved her as she crossed the street on her way to the job center. It would be nice, she'd thought, to meet people outside the house again, to talk to co-workers and have a laugh.

That was the theory.

She'd gone into the building, sat down with the jobs officer and stared blankly around her. Twenty minutes later she was outside again with no idea what had happened. She looked down at her hand that held a neatly printed piece of paper with a job spec, company address and time for her interview in three day's time.

That bit of paper had stood on the fridge for two days, and been moved to the bin on the third. Hal and Tom assumed she hadn't got it. She didn't want to tell them she'd never gone.

_Give it a few days._ She had thought. _I just need to get used to being human again first. Then I'll be fine._


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter two.**

**I've got most things mapped out so these chapters will be coming fast - also I want to get this done before the DVD release when the 'Are they dreaming or not' will be explained (maybe).**

**Thanks all those who reviewed, followed and favorited, really you guys, I mean it, such a great lot of people!**

**Toby Whitehouse owns all the characters here, I have simply tried to carry on how I think they would behave. Hopefully I've given it a good shot!**

* * *

Hal left the hotel to start his freezing journey home alone. Tom had a late shift and Alex was probably spending another day in the house, God he hoped she wasn't cleaning again! If he had to walk into that kitchen one more time with everything just slightly crooked, or wet or rearranged he was going to-

_No, let's not think about that_, it would be safer for all if he hadn't planned the details beforehand.

He started to frown as he pulled his jacket around him, having a body temperature didn't half make you sensitive to weather conditions, he was getting goose-pimples under his sleeves!

He sniffed, he couldn't understand how Alex could walk around in vests and shorts. Although she was from Scotland, and the house was warmer than the Arctic tundra that was Barry. Come to think of it, she hadn't seemed to leave the house very much at all. She was always there when they left for work and greeted them enthusiastically upon their return. Tom had joked it was like having a wife, the half embarrassed smile Alex had flashed Hal had made him feel distinctly self conscious.

_Another thing he now had to consider,_ he thought as he rounded a corner. The possibility of a wife, a family and everything else human life aspired to. Were these now _his_ aspirations?

_Marriage, a house, a mortgage, life insurance, _children_. _These were all things that had happened around him that he hadn't cared to consider for himself – the mere thought had been brushed aside with contempt. Before he would have torn apart marriages, taken possession of whatever house he wished, ended people's assurance of life, slaughtering their children while the parents watched…

Hal stopped dead with a gasp. He'd done it again; let his mind wander. And it always wandered to the same dark places. He started walking again with renewed care, just because he was human, didn't mean he could let his thought run free; there was still danger, he wasn't completely safe. _He was human now _he reminded himself, _it would take to adjust _he repeated in his head with every step.

Hal faltered at a crossroads, one way took him along long straight roads back to the house. Or he could go through town, past rowdy bars and pubs full of stinking men and loud women.

Normally – ha, 'normally' – Hal would take the longer way where the chance of encounters were limited, but what about now? Hal swallowed as he felt his heart beat faster – he still wasn't used to that, every beat felt like a drum in his ear. He took a step one way, then stopped, his foot poised to take him back via the empty streets.

He should play it safe; he should choose the He should take the safe route. Or should he? What was 'safe' now? He had always considered safe to mean to function without the draw or fear of blood. Well, he was doing that wasn't he? He was 'safe'. He suddenly didn't want to just function in the human world any more, he wanted to a working, socializing part of it. There was nothing stopping him now from doing that, so why was he purposefully keeping everything at arm's reach still? He needed to embrace humanity and all of it's stinking, loud, rude or unpleasant inhabitants. They were his people now, he should join them.

He took another breath, shoved his hands in his pockets, and turned around, towards the noise, the laughing.

He needed to relax, get out of his head and join his own kind.

* * *

Hal got home and slammed the door, his breath coming hard and fast as his lungs scream. He bent over with the exertion before he took off up the stairs. Alex was on the sofa again, she turned her head but all she saw was Hal's blurred mass as he ran up into his room.

'Hal? You alright?' She called. _Thump thump thump, slam._ No answer.

She put down the magazine slowly and got up, moving to the doorframe and looking up the stairs she called. 'Hal?'

She stepped up the stairs slowly, one hand on the wall. When she got to the door to their room she hesitated then leaned in and almost whispered 'Hal?'

He threw the door open making Alex jumped back in surprise.

'I'm fine.' He said with a gasp, one hand on the door, the other behind his back. He was sweating, breathing hard but trying to look calm.

'You sure? Because you look like the time you came home after Tom'd tried to do the accounts.' Alex looked at him hard. 'Tom didn't try to do the hotel's accounts did he? Because honestly Hal, I cleaned up the papers and the fire damage the first time, I'm not doing it again.'

'No! No, God no. Honestly, I'm fine.' Hal breathed, his face breaking into a smile. 'I just need to,' he paused, 'catch my breath, and clean up, after my run. I ran home, I felt like a run.' He gave a short laugh, 'Forgot what running while having to breathe was like.' His face broke into a lopsided smile.

Alex raised an eyebrow, Gabbling Hal was new. She had to admit though, Hal looked good, he looked warn out, but there was a lovely red colour to his cheeks and his eyes had a sparkle that had been missing recently.

'You decided to run home?' She said skeptically. 'Just like that? In jeans?'

Hal shrugged, 'Haven't done it since before, I'd forgotten how difficult things were when you're human.' He raised his shoulder and gave an involuntary flinch. 'I swear it was never this hard the first time!'

Alex smiled. 'Well remember to stretch so your muscles don't seize up.'

Hal blinked, a grin across his pink and red face. 'Yeah, I didn't think of that.'

They both stood there looking at one another. Slowly, Alex nodded. 'Okay, see you downstairs?' She said as she stepped away.

'Ah, actually, I think I'm going to go straight to bed. I'm feeling a bit…'

'Knackered?' Alex ventured.

Hal smiled again.

'I suppose it's for the best. A guy your age, don't want to break a hip.' Teased Alex.

'Very funny.' Hal said archly. 'Good night.' He started to close the door.

Alex stepped in, 'Are you alright Hal? You seem…' she reached forward, his face was looking very red on one side.

'How's the job hunt going?' Hal cut in rather firmly. It made Alex jump a little, but when she saw his eyes, they looked friendly and innocent.

'The job's fine.' She said carefully as her face paled. 'I've got a… There's not that much…' she was fumbling for words.

'Well, I'm sure you'll find something.' He smiled briskly. 'Now if you'll excuse me?' Alex nodded, the mention of a job had sent a shiver up her back. Hal however gave a perfunctory smile, half bowed his head and closed the door behind him without another word.

Alex was left standing on the landing not sure if Hal had ended the conversation because he saw how awkward it was for her, or if that was the whole reason in had brought it up in the first place.

Hal shut the door, put his back against it and silently turned the key in the lock. Moving his head, ear against the wood, he closed his eyes and concentrated until he heard Alex's steps receding. Jesus, it was so much harder to hear things now. It was like he was walking around with misted glasses and cotton wool in his ears.

She was downstairs now.

Hal exhaled, a painful and exhausted breath and then willed his heart to return to the incessant hammer he had come to recognize as the new 'normal'. He felt bad about bringing up jobs around Alex, he knew how delicate a subject it was, but when she had gone to touch his face he's panicked; hitting that raw nerve was the most expedient route available to end the conversation.

He rubbed hish and over his eyes and pushed himself off the door. Walking past the mirror he did a swift jerky snap before turning his head away in frustration; he was so used to seeing nothing that whenever he went past his reflection now he thought he was being followed. At least he'd started to disguise the double-take as a twitch.

He paused, took a deep breath and changed from walking past the mirror to planting his feet in front of it, head bowed. He looked at the floor as he positioned himself, just like he had that first time. He slowly raised his eyes and met the man in front of him. His face was shiny, his lips were parted for panting and his hair was sticking to his forehead. He brushed it back with one hand then moved his fingers down to his eyebrow, then cheek and finally, gingerly to his jaw. He winced, as his fingers pressed lightly on the tender reddening spot.

* * *

It had happened by accident. He had gone to a bar and instantly wished he'd been elsewhere. His hand shook as he bought a drink, his blood pressure rose whenever someone brushed past him, it looked like everyone was staring at him, shaking their heads accusingly; they knew he didn't belong there, that he hadn't earned his place among them.

His throat had tightened, his chest constricted, he couldn't breath: He had fled, bursting out of the wine bar and running down the street where it as darker; quieter.

There had been two of them: Lousy drunks looking for a fight. He'd banged into one in his haste, apologized and tried to go around them, but they didn't let him.

'Look at Lord Fauntleroy here.' The broad Welsh accent slurred, Hal had lowered his head, _one, two, three, four, five_ and turned around, attempting to escape. 'I bet you never been properly sorry for anything in your life.'

Hal had stopped then and turned just in time to be pushed back by number two. 'Yeah, we'll make you sorry you ever came here, Wales is for Welsh, not English pricks like you.'

'I don't want any trouble,' Hal had said clearly, as warmth grew inside his stomach and his heart rate slowed. He had backed away at first, hands up. They thought he was scared for his life; he knew they should be scared for theirs.

'Yeah? Well you found it!' The other chirped in, moving closer.

'Please,' he had said to them shaking his head. 'I, I don't want to hurt anybody.' It was coming, his panicked mind was clearing as calming clarity spread around his body; he could picture exactly what he would do, three to disarm, ten to incapacitate, twelve to paralyze, fifteen to kill; over in less than a minute, his eyes moved to the second; perhaps a minutes and a half.

'Please just walk away.' He said one last time. He knew he couldn't. He never walked away from a fight.

They had laughed.

* * *

Back in his room, Hal flexed his other hand and looked down at the bloodied knuckles that he had hidden from Alex and circled his stiffening shoulder.

It would take days before he was alright again, longer before he was properly healed. He gently touched the front of his black sodden shirt, drawing his hand away to reveal a dark orangy-crimson stain.

He looked back at himself into his own eyes; he saw them shining, just as Alex had. The man in the mirror smiled.

* * *

**Right, on to completing Chapter 3. Hope you're sticking with it.**

**See you in a few days!**


	3. Chapter Three

**As promised, here is Chapter three.**

**thanks for all the follows, favs and reviews. **

**Toby Whitehouse own Being Human, Being Human is my life, therefore Toby Whitehouse owns my life.**

* * *

'What d'ya mean odd?' Sighed Tom as he threw himself down onto the sofa. He'd just sat down and wanted some quiet time to unwind, but Alex had taken the exhalation of relief as an invitation to start talking.

'It's Hal. When's he not odd? He were weird odd before when he woz fightin the blood, then he was bad odd when he was on the blood, now he's neither, or both. But it's Hal. He aint never not gonna be… not… odd.' Tom's eyes glazed over as he stumbled over the amount of negatives.

'I know that.' Persisted Alex as she perched on the sofa. 'But, Tom last night he was-'

'Ahh, I don't wanna know about what you an Hal do at night thanks. Why d'ya think I got me those headphones!'

'Not like that Tom.' Alex huffed. 'He came running in, ran up the stairs and wouldn't let me in the bedroom.'

'A-right, what did he say when you talked to him then?'

'Well, he said he'd been on a run.'

Tam blinked, his open face displaying the lack of understanding Alex had dreaded.

'But that's not it, he wouldn't let me go to bed with him, you should have seen him,' Tom grimaced and tried to cover his ears, Alex batted them away. 'Grow up Tom! He practically slammed the door in my face, and locked the door. _Then_ he was out before I saw him this morning too _and_ he's been away all day.'

'He's been workin Alex.'

'All day? Then where is he now Tom?'

'I dunno,' Tom said losing patience. 'Maybe he's shopping, or walking or going for another run. Maybe he's on a night out.'

Alex looked at him. 'A night out?'

'It's possible.' Muttered Tom as he pressed a button the remote to turn on the TV.

'No Tom, it's not, not for Hal,' Alex snatched it away and promptly pressed the power button off. 'Hal doesn't _do _nights out.'

'Well, mebe now he don have to worry about killing people he does.'

Alex frowned.

'Alex, no offence or nothing,' Said Tom, his tone developing an edge. 'But ya bein' loopy! When ya were a ghost, you didn't sleep none and we use-ta check in with ya the whole time, it were sorta your job, now you don have that, or any job,' his eyes roved around the room, 'So you've mebe got too much time to think of these things.'

'That, is not true!' Said Alex feebly. 'I do things.'

'Like what Alex?' Said Tom. 'It's been weeks since you when down the job centre. Have you even been on any interviews?'

'I've been…' Alex squirmed, 'Anyway, this isn't about me it's about Hal.'

'Alex!' Burst Tom balling his hands into fists and thumping them together, 'I don't want to hear anymore about your Hal conspiracies! All I wanna do is come home and have a moment to meself where I don't have to think about…' He trailed off, his eyes drifting.

Alex looked at him. 'Alright flaming-brows. Let's just unscrunch those panties a sec right.'

'You don get it do ya.' Said Tom wearily, 'We're all adjusting. Him's had _five hundred_ years of this and that and now he's the other. Me's had the wolf _all_ my life an now it's just me, but you…'

'Come on Tom,' Said Alex folding her arms and standing up. 'What about me?'

'You were a ghost for not even a year, you don know what it's like.'

'What the Hell do you mean I don't know what it's like?' Alex exploded. 'I _died_ Tom. I fuckin died.'

'Alex, just look at ya,' he said gesturing at her. 'You're still actin like yer dead! You got nothing to do but worry about us, you're cleaning this place more than Hal. We're trying to live our lives; you're not, you're purposefully staying out of it and I'm not gonna let you drag me down.' Alex stood there, her mouth half open. Tom looked back at her, he stood up breathing hard. 'I aint gonna let ya distract me.'

'Tom don't be ridiculous.' Glared Alex. 'You're not listening.'

'No ah hear ya.' Bristled Tom, 'You're saying Hal's weird, well I say you're weird. I say you need ta get a job and start livin before you go proper nutty!' Tom stood up, his brows furrowed. 'Because I tell ya now I'm getting real tired with your buzzing, an I aint gonna listen to any more craziness!'

And with that Tom stormed to the front door, flinging in open and disappeared. Alex ran to the door, ready to come back with a retort, but she stopped a few steps outside the front door. She stood there, watching as an angry Tom went off into the dusk. She faltered, all around her seemed so dark, the bushes rustled and she flinched. Tom's footfalls disappeared into the darkness and she was alone. She looked around and wrapped her arms around herself. 'Ah screw this.' She muttered uneasily, before retreating, closing the door on the outside world.

* * *

_Okay,_ Alex conceded one morning a week later. _Maybe I was being overly paranoid about Hal._

That evening he had come home, smiled, chatted, and made a concerted effort to be affectionate not undistracted. He had followed it with a night where he'd been surprisingly attentive and passionate, if a little flinchy in places when Alex wrapped her legs around his waist or clung onto his shoulder.

That morning, Alex lay in bed next to him and realized she had gotten comfortable around the new Hal in a way she never had before. She was on her front while Hal, one arm behind his head was propped up on a pillow. Alex had smiled at him and touched his face, running her fingers carefully along his temple, down past his eye and down to his jaw. All the while Hal didn't move a muscle, his eyes watching her.

After a while a wry smile crept onto her face.

'What is it?' Hal said softly.

'You know, you should probably get some of that male moisturizer stuff.' She said eventually.

Hal raised an eyebrow. Alex shrugged, 'I saw something in a magazine.'

'Alex,' Hal said gently as he took her hand off his face and kissed it, 'I don't do moisturizing; the very term 'male moisturizer' I consider an oxymoron.'

Alex blinked. 'A conflict in terms; two words that mean that absolute opposite of each other.' Hal explained. 'It is an aspect of this era I will never participate in.'

'This era is _your_ era now boyo,' Alex chided as she grinned. 'You're not gonna stay like this for ever any more. These lines will get deeper' she touched his forehead, 'and this will start sagging,' she went under his chin, ' and _everything_ will start sagging and getting craggy and,' Hal pulled a face.

'Face it, you're not gonna look…' Alex paused looking at his face. 'You know I actually have no idea how old you're meant to me. How old were you when, you know,' she paused, perhaps Hal didn't want to be reminded of his past.

'It's alright Alex,' Hal said with a small smile. 'You can talk about when I was a vampire.'

Alex smiled. 'Okay, how old were you when you were recruited? Thirty-five?'

'No!' Hal protested, his face mortified, 'I was around twenty-six!' Alex burst out laughing. Hal folded his arms muttering 'I do _not_ look thirty-five'.

'How you can you be 'around' an age. I thought you never forgot anything Mr Elephant brain.' She said mockingly.

Hal looked at her. 'You can't forget what you never knew.'

Alex stopped. 'You don't know your own _birthday_?'

Hal shrugged. 'It was a different time. Only the rich kept records of things like births. It wasn't important and it wasn't celebrated.'

'Okay well,' Said Alex, 'Ignoring that depressing lump of awkward that just came into the room,' she grinned, 'Personally I'd say thirty's closer but-' She leapt out of the way as Hal made a play-lunge at her. 'Oof, that's my _point_ Hal.' She sat up. 'You have a choice; in twenty years you can either look like George Clooney or Mickey Rouke.' She poked a finger in his ribs. Hal flinched. 'And don expect me to hang around if you're a Mickey.'

'Alex, considering I have no idea who either of them are, your argument is-'

'No argument,' she said throwing back the covers and walking over to a discarded magazine that lay at right angles on the chest of drawers. 'This is fact! And _this'_ She rifled through the pages until she came across what she as looking for, 'Is stage one of your new regime.' Alex advanced on Hal, holding the small sampler sachet in front of her.

'I thought you lived with brothers Alex. I thought you were normal!' Protested Hal.

'Hey, my brothers smelt but I didn't! I looked after myself. I have creams and wore makeup! Or did you think I had really full lashes and flawless skin naturally this whole time? Now come here, it's time for your first lesson in modern twenty-first century metro-sexual anti-ageing!'

'Alex get that thing away from me.' Hal said, eyes wide with suspicion and panic as he edged away from her. '_Alex_.'

_Thud_.

From his room down the hall Tom's head looked up. He frowned to himself. 'Not again.' He muttered as he reached for the headphones.

* * *

Time passed in this contented relationship haze. Alex forgot to watch Hal's moves and brushed aside his erratic short temper followed by moments of intense passion as his final assimilation into his new human self. And she resolutely didn't bring up anything she had discussed with Tom, to either of them.

_Life is too good right now in this house for silly little issues to get in the way._ Alex thought as she waved them off to work. She smiled, then turned around in the empty house, she waited for a second, then went and sat on the edge of the sofa, wondering what she could do to fill the hours until their return.

Slowly she walked back over to the door and double bolted it. Then slid over to the blinds and peered through, checking the road and houses.

What would she do today? She frowned to herself, then light dawned on her. She rushed over to check the contents of the fridge, yes everything was there; she wouldn't have to go outside.

When Hal and Tom arrived home they came back to a decorated house full of old Christmas tinsel and coloured streamers.

'What's g'wan?' Asked Tom bewildered.

'That little ghost boy Oliver hasn't come back has he?' said Hal with trepidation, and if he was honest, a little fear. 'If Alex makes me wear a bloody paper hat again-'

'No this isn't for that little toe-rag.' Shouted Alex from the kitchen. 'We're having a birthday party.'

Hal looked around. 'But it isn't anyone's birthday.'

'I decided,' Announced Alex as she came through the kitchen swing doors holding her creation. 'That it would be yours.'

Hal's eyes almost popped out. Tom looked between them both and grinned. 'It's ya birthday Hal? Yer never said!'

'Erm, no it's not.' Hal protested firmly.

'Well, technically, this celebration is a few month's late.' She looked at them both.

'So not only is it _not_ my birthday. But it is a _late_ not my birthday?' Hal clarified, utter confusion on his face.

'I thought that as you don't have a birthday, it was about time after five hundred years to mark the occasion. And, if you could pick any day to be born, how about when you became human again?' Her eyes searched his as she got closer holding up the candled cake, 'That's when we all finally met the real you, and I for one am happy about that.'

Hal's face faltered for a second, his eyes searching hers briefly. Then he snapped back on a smile, leaned forward and blew out the candles.

'It's a perfect idea.' He said, giving her a hug once she'd put the cake down. 'Thank you.'

Tom and Alex looked at each other, Tom nodded and smiled, Alex grinned back with relief. As Hal hugged her, Alex closed her eyes and leaned into it, this was a perfect moment.

Over her shoulder, neither Tom nor Alex saw that Hal was staring straight ahead, his eyes distant.

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**Okay. So everything is okay at HH... right? Well let's just say I mave many chapters to go.**

**see you at chapter 4!**


	4. Chapter Four

**Hello Again!**

**So this is the fourth installment and will be swiftly followed by the fifth as this one is quite short (for me) and I kinda want to get on to the next one.**

**Timeline wise, this is the first chapter of a very long night for the three that I have divided up.**

**Please read and review, any ideas are welcome as sometimes I find my head a scarily vacant place!**

**Toby Whitehouse owns these characters, I do not.**

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Chapter 4

Another full moon, this was the fourth Tom could now say he had seen. There were clouds hiding it this nights, but Tom knew it was there; he could see the faint glow when the cloud thinned and it would wink at him knowingly.

Tom again stood at his open bedroom window staring out. The night seemed so quiet now; he closed his eyes, on a night like this; no sounds where not even the wind blew, there was no way of him knowing he was even outside. He couldn't stop looking at the pale glow that sat in the sky. He had meant to stay downstairs, sit on the sofa, turn on the telly and forget about it. But instead he had climbed the stairs after dinner, mumbling about reading a book to Alex, walked into his room, not even turning on the light, and just stood there as dusk turned to evening turned to night.

Hal wasn't around, another night away doing his own thing and Alex was downstairs with one of the magazine she made them buy; the TV humming in the background, just like any other night. Out of all of them, Hal seemed to have made the transition to human the easiest. Tom envied him, Hal always made everything seem so effortless, he's the one who'd been a monster the longest and now he was the most human out of all of them. He wasn't stuck on a sofa refusing to engage with the outside world, and he wasn't starting out his window pining for the old days. He was out taking part, and making it look so easy.

Tom washed his hand over his face and continued to stare_. Just like any other night_. One where people were going out getting drunk or staying in reading books or what-not. A day of the week, nothing special.

He sniffed. He used to be able to smell the moon, he could sense where it was in the sky and feel the difference around him. He remembered walking around dragging the chicken on a string in a circle, stepping over rabbit holes and brambles without even looking. Naming each leaf as it went by and knowing if another human or a wild animal had been there hours even days before.

But now, there was nothing. Looking at a dog stopping by a hedge Tom would wonder why; could he smell a mouse, a cat, another dog's piss or something else? He would go by a bush or a tree, inhale and… empty, if it was early he could smell the moist earth, but it was nothing, he was nose-blind. He didn't know because he'd lost the wolf in him.

His hand spasmed and he hit the wall beside the window – lightly, so's not to make a noise before laying his head on his arm, still not breaking eye contact with the clouds. The full moon was what he would gear himself up for all month, he would count down the days and funnel all his energy for that night's rampage. And now… and now.

Tom gritted his teeth. He couldn't just spend this night at home watching TV as if nothing was different, the pit inside him where the wolf once lived whimpered and moaned. He had to get out, he had to _do something._

He grabbed his jacket and flung open the door. 'I'm going out.' He yelled as he went, not waiting to see if Alex heard.

Tom stopped at the end of the road. He was heading to the woods, he could go for a run through the trees, among nature. He could smell the night air and listen to the animals that would be roaming around, reveling in their new freedom on this night where once they had hidden and coward from the monstrous wild beast that hunted them down with glee.

Tom hesitated, that was his old life. He wouldn't smell the night air and he wouldn't be able to tell if another creature was near him. And he would be alone. He didn't want to be alone.

He wanted to be in noise, he wanted to run and hunt and jump and duck, he wanted to dance or fight or run until his body was tired and scream until his lungs were hoarse.

He looked towards the town. He would find what he needed there, there would be everything to distract him, noise, people, drink, movement, he would lose himself among it and vent all this energy; releasing the inner bomb that had been bubbling in his veins.

He growled to himself as he went, his fists were balls, his muscles were tense, he needed to do something, he wanted to scream, to run, to punch a wall; he needed to release the feral rage he still felt.

Shouts, bangs and crashes, the sound of metal falling on the ground. Tom eagerly turned towards the noise coming from an alley next to a bar where thumping music was bouncing off the walls around him.

He had been wandering, eyeing up the people that rolled around him. He'd pushed one man who'd fallen onto him, but the guy'd been too far gone and hadn't done more than stare glassy eyed before bending over and throwing up. Tom had stepped away disgusted, men were such animals, and women were shameless. He felt himself getting angry, none of them respected themselves or those around. Where were their mothers to tell them how to act, where were their fathers to instill proper values?

A chilling thought crept up on Tom; _Is this humanity? Is this what I've wanted to be part of?_

Another crash, an angry thud, someone let out an 'oof' and a grunt. He walked slowly towards it; he heard a laugh and the scraping and slipping of shoes on tarmac. He'd wanted to find a vampire, but he couldn't tell who was what now, he didn't know.

_I'm not part of that world no more._ He said to himself. It wasn't right to hurt normal people, but here, right now, normal people were animals.

Tom sneered. If they didn't act like people, why should they be protected?

A soft crack followed by a man's scream; bones had just been broken. Tom moved forward. In the dim light he made out four men, one crumpled on the floor, one crawling trying to stand, another edging towards the fourth who was standing firm, ready. Tom couldn't see who they were, but clearly it was three on one. And the one was winning.

'This _is_ disappointing, if I knew you were this bad I would've let you keep the knives.' Can an imperious sneer from the fourth.

Tom froze. He knew that voice. Oh God, he knew that voice.

'Hal?' he said.

The fourth stopped, his head turned towards him just as the other lunged forward and landed a heavy blow on the side of Hal's face, sending him backwards.

Tom didn't need to be invited, he was already barreling down the alley, head down, teeth bared and snarling.

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**On to Chapter 5, to be uploaded in a few hours if all goes according to plan!**


	5. Chapter Five

**As promised, here is Chapter five. Two in one day lucky/poor you!**

**Thanks for everything as always.**

**Toby owns all, I own nothing, not even the computer I'm typing on!**

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'What the _fuck_ happened to you!' Alex almost screamed as Tom and Hal gingerly enter the house.

They exchange hunted looks.

Open mouthed she took in the pair of them – Tom was disheveled, his eyebrows low over hooded eyes. But it was Hal that drew her attention; he was holding his nose, a bloody former white handkerchief pressed against the centre of his face. For the first time, she noticed the hand holding it in place was covered with crimson scrapes and below that purple and green bruising – how hadn't she seen that before?

'Hal?' She breathed, wanting to rush forward, but at the same time so scared she couldn't move. 'What happened?' No reply. 'Tom?'

Hal's eyes darted to Tom's, Tom looked fleetingly back and then went to Alex. 'I aint lyin fer ya.' He declared glaring at Hal as he stomped off towards the kitchen. 'Ask 'im.' He growled as he passed her disappearing behind the swing doors.

Alex looked after Tom before snapping her head back to Hal who was waiting by the door.

'Well?' she asked crossing her arms as rage mixed with panic. 'I can tell this weren't no accident. You two look as guilty as Ryan after spending two hours in the bathroom.'

'Nothing happened Alex.' Clipped Hal coldly. 'I'm fine, Tom's fine, I suggest you drop it.'

It was such a change to the warm Hal she had made a cake for Alex was momentarily floored. 'What d'ya mean nothing's happened! Don you dare say you were out runnin again, or do your runs now involve brick walls with _fucking knives in them_.' She looked down at Hal's shirt that had a huge rip and a clean line of red along his middle. 'Jesus, is this what your 'runs' have been about all this time? How stupid am I? I thought you'd changed, but you're still just a fuckin liar!'

Hal opened his mouth but nothing came out. Alex just stood there, hands in her hair, tears threatening to break through. 'Christ how could I have been so stupid?'

'Alex relax.' Said Hal finally. 'It's not as bad as it looks.'

'Not as bad?' she raged, 'Look at yer self! It looks like you face-planted a pizza.' Hal raised an eyebrow.

Alex rolled her eyes and gestured around her face 'Tomato sauce? _Blood_!'

Hal sighed, 'I was in a small altercation, that's all.'

'Nah he weren't.' Piped up Tom coming back from the kitchen with some frozen peas in hand. 'He were in a fight with three other blokes.'

'Yes thank you Tom, That's what 'altercation' means.' Glared Hal.

'And one of them tried to stab you and broke ya nose?' Alex said incredulously.

'My nose isn't broken, it's bruised and ah, a little fragile.' Hal said defensively. 'It's all superficial and will be fine in a day.' He flinched as he touched the centre of his face tenderly, 'Or two.'

'Er try a week or two!' Alex stomped closer as Hal removed the bloody scrap from his face. 'You haven't got your fancy freaky super vampire healing powers anymore pal. You get hit, you get hurt.'

'Noted.' Hal mumbled resentfully. 'And I think you mean '_super_ fancy freaky vampire healing powers'. I was a normal vampire, not a _super_ one.'

'Don't!' she screeched. 'Don you _dare_ start that grammar crap, it's not gonna work!'

Hal rolled his eyes and went to sit down, 'It happened Alex, it's got nothing to do with you.'

'_Nuthin_?' Alex was incredulous, 'Nothing to do with me? This has _everything_ to do with me, and Tom!' She advanced on Hal, towering over him. 'We're the ones living here! If you're back to being a psycho murderer I think it's very much our fuckin business.'

Hal looked up, hurt and anger in his face. 'Is that what you think I am?' He said in a whisper.

'I don know Hal.' Alex said throwing her hands up. 'You've been going out for 'runs' what, three a week?'

'I was going for runs!' Hal protested.

'Bull shit! Don fuckin lie to me!'

Hal lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut. They paused, Alex staring at him, finally, in a voice almost too soft to be heard she asked. 'Have you killed anyone?'

Hal looked up, his eyes into hers. 'Just tell me if you have, I have to know Hal. This is too big. I _need_ to know if _he's_ back. I can't live with that Hal okay.'

'Of course I haven't.' Hal said urgently. 'I'm not that man Alex, I couldn't live with myself if I was.'

Alex looked at him. _Who are you?_ She thought. _Who have I been sharing a bed with these months?_

'Alex,' Hal said softly as he stood up from the sofa and walked over to her. She flinched, but didn't back away. 'Alex, I know I've been acting erratically, and it's true I have been keeping some things from you both. Things that I think need now to be said, but I didn't know if you could understand.' He swallowed and lowered the handkerchief. 'But I need to start trusting you if I am ever going to expect the same. Please, let me get cleaned up and I will explain.' He looked deep into her eyes. 'Please.'

'Why? So you can spin us another lie?' Alex was shaking at how close he was.

'Let 'im talk Alex,' Tom said emerging from the kitchen where he had been hiding. 'Give us a chance to understand.'

Silence.

'Fine.' Alex said finally. Hal exhaled, his heart had been racing. She raised her finger to point at him 'Ten minutes, then we're having one Hell of a house meeting!'

'First of all, I want to make it clear, that I haven't been doing this' Hal indicated his beaten face, 'whenever I said I was running.' Hal started calmly once everyone was assembled. His hands were in his lap, he couldn't look at his housemates that now sat around him at the dining table. 'I really have been going for runs most nights.' Alex snorted. 'It's true. The first time was an accident, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.' He took a breath. 'After I woke up the next day, I couldn't believe it had actually happened. It scared me how much it had,' he struggled to find the words, 'not scared me. So I made a focused effort to turn away from that; to be the kind of friend' he looked at Tom. 'And lover,' he looked at Alex 'I knew you wanted. I hoped if I pretended for a while, eventually, I wouldn't be.'

Alex and Tom exchanged looks. 'But tonight?' Alex prompted. 'Was that another accident?' From her tone, Hal knew he couldn't deny it. 'Were ya just in tha wrong place at the wrong time by mistake _again_?' She said mockingly.

'No.' He said simply, swallowing.

'What the Hell were you doing somewhere like that tonight then?' Alex glared.

'That's what ah said!' said Tom in a low voice, his eyes intent on Hal's face. 'An' don't say you was out running or nowt.' He gestured to Hal, 'He were in the rough part of town, aint no excuse for being there for a run.'

Hal started at him, for a fraction his eyes narrowed but he remained quiet, a wave of heat passing over him. _One, two, three, four, five…_ Alex saw his jaw muscles tense and relax, she could tell he wasn't dealing with this very well; Hal didn't deal well with aggressive confrontation for long. She was angry, but she knew if they continued like this, Hal would most likely clam up. 'Hal,' she said a little more gently, letting the worry, pain and love she felt for him come through. She leaned forward and laying a hand on his arm 'Just tell us. We need to know what's gotten into you.'

The gesture was supposed to reassure him. But Alex flinched when Hal's intense narrow stare suddenly flicked onto her; this wasn't her Hal – if he had ever existed. Images flashed into her head of the bodies in the pub – the ones he hadn't turned – the blood that had covered him and that dangerous, murderous stare and cold, arrogant smile.

Then she was back to when they had all first woken up human:

'_Who are ya? Are you Good Hal or Bad Hal?'_

'_Both, Neither. I don't know.'_

'Nothing,' Hal said with deliberate calm, 'Has gotten _into_ me Alex.' He blinked a few times, lowered his head and took in a deep breath to calm himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, 'I'm sorry, this isn't easy for me,' he whispered after a while, his hands clenching into fists. _He looks in so much pain,_ Alex thought as her eyes met Tom's.

'We're worried about you man.' Said Tom softly, his face once again open and soft. 'This aint like ya.'

Hal looked up, his eyes were dark, but it wasn't anger, or sadness that was in them. Alex thought he looked on the edge of despair.

'How do you know what I'm like Tom?' He whispered.

'We're all tryin' to adjust Hal.' Replied Tom. 'You were human once remember.'

'Yes but you don't know what kind of human I was.' Hal said shaking his head.

'So tell us.' Said Alex.

Hal looked between Alex and Tom. He looked between his two friends ; they wanted to understand him. But were they ready? They wanted their friend back, but that version of him wasn't there anymore. He had been trying so hard to be that Hal for them. But it wasn't him anymore and he was about to tell them why.


	6. Chapter Six

**Welcome back! I hope everyone had a happy easter!**

**Okay so this is Hal's moment to explain to Alex and Tom. I haven't embellished that much on his past life other than what he said in his prequel, but I have tried to rationalize what living as a mercenary in the late 15th early 16th century (as he died in 1514) could do to someone. I've fallen back on dear Herrick's words to Mitchell. I'm sure you'll spot which.**

**Enjoy!**

**Please review!**

**I own nothing. Being Human is not mine.**

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Hal tried to straighten his position in the wooden dining chair, straining to ignore the sudden protest of his back where he had been kicked.

'To try and make you understand, you need to know who I was. When I was human before.'

'Hold on.' Said Alex getting up and going through to the freezer. 'I have a feeling this is gonna be a long story and you need ta do something about that nose.'

When she got back she held out a long thin ice-lolly. 'I can at least try not to make this uncomfortable and painful for your face as well.' She said handing it to him. 'Yet.' she muttered as she plonked herself down again.

Hal blinked at her then smiled nervously and placed it across the bridge of his expanded nose. 'Thank you.'

Alex settled back in her chair between Hal and Tom, folding her arms like a barrier.

Hal paused. He ignored the silent waiting of the audience around him. _Where to start?_ Could he get away with just a little? How far would he have to go for them to understand? He looked at them both, some part of him – and he knew which part – didn't like how willing they were to hear all about his life; was he imagining it or did they look like they'd been waiting for this from the very beginning, like vultures ready to pick and dissect his closely guarded secrets? Hal swallowed, he needed to calm down and get through this. _Bury all feelings deep and pretend you're telling someone else's story_.

'I haven't told many people about my human life.' He began, gently running his free hand slowly up and down his leg, then forcing it to remain still in his lap. 'None of whom are alive today.' His mind flashed to Leo on the floor of the white-washed cellar, staring insolently up at him. 'It's not the done thing among my- among vampires. And whenever I wasn't among them, I would try to not think about any aspect of my past in case it… led elsewhere.'

His mouth seemed dry. Perhaps it was; it had been a while since he'd had any liquids. And blood-loss led to dehydration as the body rallied to replace the cells. He could taste his own blood on his mouth, copper and tangy; sickly unpleasant. He remembered what blood used to taste like.

'I wasn't born to wealth. I was illiterate until I was twenty, and then all I could form were the childish letters of my name. When I died I hadn't learnt many more. I was,' he looked up from his lap and stared straight ahead. 'I was born in a brothel, to one of the women there – I never knew which. Back then, life was by today's standards brutal. To live past 30 was far from assured; very few of those I knew managed such a feat, and none whom I cared for.' He half smiled, 'Including myself.'

'When the last of these tenuous ties were severed by a drunken cut-throat, I was still a boy, but the promise of death instilled a thirst for a different life that drove me to one of the few professions out there. It promised those with talent excitement, reward and adventure – I became a soldier for hire.

'There was immense risk of course, but when death is all around you, it becomes part of life. I wasn't stupid enough to think myself immortal, but I won enough battles to make me arrogant. After all; What is life without risk?' He half smiled to himself, remembering his old and much loved motto.

He cleared his throat, he was getting lost in the story; _stick to the facts_. 'I was at sea for a while, then Europe, moving to wherever mercenaries were needed, and we were always needed. By the time I died I had been in so many battles and skirmishes that I no longer bothered to recall their names: I could handle a bow and wield a sword on horse or foot. I carried round letters that told of my worth and was paid accordingly.' _In any way I wished, in many forms of wealth or pleasure_. Hal closed his eyes again. _Just tell it like you were reading aloud, stay detached._

Hal swallowed. 'I died on a battlefield thousands of miles from a home I cared nothing for with a life that held no worth. I took the vampire's offer with open eyes because I could not imagine that the tattered remnants of my soul would be welcomed anywhere else.'

Hal paused, his eyes dull.

'By the time I became a vampire, I had already killed more men and women then I bothered to remember. My soul was so tarnished with their blood that I cared for nothing, just the thrill that my talent brought me on the battlefield.' He gave a small laugh. 'I'm sure if I had refused the surgeon's offer to become a vampire, Hell would've been my only destination.'

Hal stopped. He was there, at every battle, at every looting. Grabbing women by their hair, slicing a monk's face, covering a mouth to stifle a scream as the blade went through.

There was silence. 'But it weren't all like that was it? All killin' all the time?' Tom whispered.

Hal shook his head 'No, There were times when I would stop, when I had enough money to live calmly for a while, where I would fall in love for a day, for a month. It was the closest I got to a peaceful and happy life in a brutal world, but it never lasted; somehow I could never make it last. And then there was always a war somewhere to welcome me.'

He looked from Tom to Alex but didn't see them; he was elsewhere, crying at the bed of one of his mothers, laying a stained sheet over a blood soaked face, finding a girl who had fallen by the road and throwing some coins because she had looked so alone, just like him. The look she gave him as he held her tight, laughing with men in a tavern, sleeping in the warm summer sun.

Alex fidgeted and Hal switched back, aware suddenly of where he was and who he was with. He blinked and rubbed his dry eyes. When he looked around again he saw that Tom and Alex were still there, but they had moved away from him, not physically, but he knew it. Had they thought his human life one full of dancing, love letters, soft furnishing and books, perhaps a rural gentleman's son? Closeted from the world, who chewed hay during harvest and laughed with the work hands in the summer or reading the bible while lounging in a window-seat.

He frowned, his stomach lurched with a sudden pang of jealousy and rage, but he had to carry on.

'When one becomes a vampire, it doesn't replace the personality, it takes specific aspects and magnifies. I knew quite a few who said 'liberates'. It removes the need for restraint and makes you care about nothing but the pursuit blood. It releases, I believe the best term would be the _'id'_.' He looked around at blank faces. 'It's Freud's word for the part of every personality that acts purely on base desire. You want something; you take it without a thought or care for consequences.'

He swallowed, he hoped that they understood. 'When I was human, killing people became my life, it was what I knew. But it's wasn't all me. I dreamed of a life in the country with a wife and children…' Hal faltered, _Was that true? Was he just saying this for them? Had he thought of a future like that, had he ever dare to imagine any future beyond the next day, month, year? _He couldn't remember anymore.

Alex and Tom waited, did he want to say more? _Was there anymore?_ He didn't know where else to go.

'So,' said Alex, her brows knitted together. 'What you're saying is you became a psychopathic, schizophrenic vampire who killed entire postcodes because that's what you were like as a human?'

Hal looked at her pure horror engraved on his face. That wasn't what he said – _was it?_

Alex was in a tight ball of concentrated energy right now and Tom had placed both hands on his knees as if ready to jump up.

'No, wait.' Hal said, holding up his hand and dropping the melted ice-pop. 'That's not what I said. Please,' he was panicking, he could feel his chest hammering – Jesus, how could he think while that noise was going on in his head? 'I didn't do those things because I wanted to; I did them because I had to. I'm not proud of it please, can't you see how hard this is for me? You and Tom keep saying 'Remember when you were human, you were human once, be again.' Well _that's_ what I remember, that's all I knew to be, I _don't_ want to be like that, but...' He stopped, his eyes were moist, he blinked away tears of frustration, anger, sorrow, desperation. 'But I can't be _your_ Hal, I can't be the perfect boyfriend like you want Alex, and I don't want to be who I was before, that's not me.' He looked at them both. 'I can't sit in night after night hugging on the sofa, but neither do I want to go out there reducing people to bloody pulps. I just need to find the middle, wherever that is.'

They had stopped looking hostile and confused, they now looked – did he dare say it even in his head – like they were starting to understand?

'So who are ya then?' Asked Tom.

'The kinda guy who likes to get into fights.' Muttered Alex.

It was like a gut punch to him. Hal almost curled into a ball, how could he expect them to understand. He had hoped at least Tom would know what it was like; but it seemed they both couldn't see past the monster he had been. 'This is exasperating!' He shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair and stood up, the chair scraping back. 'I can't do this. Not now.' He turned to look at them. They looked scared, Tom got slowly to his feet and Alex was pushing herself up slowly, stepping up and away from him.

'What are you gonna do Hal?' Said Tom widening his stance, turning himself side on. _Strained shoulder, bruised wrist, damaged ribs. Disable in ten, unconscious in twenty…_ Hal closed his eyes, pushed the thoughts down. 'I'm going… to have a shower.' He said in slow, measured tones. 'And then I'm going to go to bed _alone_.' He looked at Alex. 'And then tomorrow, maybe we can try this again. We've all have a lot to process tonight.'

'Fine,' Said Alex. She raised her hand and pointed at Hal. 'But don't think this is over.'

He looked hard at them both. So much he could say. If it was one thing he knew; it was people, and he could shatter their carefully placed façades of self-righteous arrogance.

_Not tonight though, he owed them one night to forget themselves and focus on him_. 'No Alex it's not.' _Not over for any of us._

* * *

_I'm not a psychology expert or anything, so I may have done this wrong, but this is how I see Hal as he was then, and now. I mean come on - if the human mind can get used to anything over time, don't you think killing people for a living for years would leave an in print?_

_Back then many men travelled around looking for wars, life was hard; you could expect to be killed by the person sleeping next to you for a few coins. Trust was a luxury few had, and definitely not someone like Hal. When the Devil takes Hal back to when he was killed in his 'dream', we see a Hal who has lived for 500 years, not the Hal of then - the fact he talks with an upper-class accent is give away enough!_

_I believe he was like any thug would be now, someone who would do what they had to do. Let's face it; if you live like that for long enough, wouldn't you start liking what you do?_

_Again, my own views. Others may have different interpretations._


	7. Chapter Seven

**Hello Everyone.**

**I'm going to try and do a chapter every other day as the story is basically finished now in draft form.**

**I own nothing. The BBC and Toby Whitehouse own Being Human, although the BBC have proved by cancelling the show that this is a privilege they don't deserve anymore! (okay mini rant over)**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

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Alex waited until Hal had gone upstairs, before she let out her breath. She looked at Tom who had just sat down hard on the sofa, 'I'm going to go to my old room.' She murmured at his slumped frame.

She was up the stairs so fast she half-thought she'd rent-a-ghosted. She paused as she walked passed Hal's bedroom door – theirs technically now that they'd moved in the double bed. The room was empty, the shower turned itself on in the bathroom. She had been so angry at Hal before, so fired up and indignant, but now that she was on her own, the fire died and she felt cold.

She went down the corridor to her old room but didn't go in. She wanted to be somewhere else. She looked above her. Somewhere quiet.

The attic was empty; the remnants of little baby Eve's cradle had been put against the wall leaving behind a bare space surrounded by clutter. There was a big moth-eaten sofa to one side and this is where Alex sat.

She stared into nothing from her seat, her head trying to form calm thoughts. Her heart was beating numbly in her ears, she kept seeing Hal's bloody face hidden behind the handkerchief, revealing scraped and bruised knuckles, and that stare, that deep stare that had chilled her.

_Those eyes._ The eyes that said 'I can see you Alex, you're not a ghost anymore; you're not untouchable._ I_ can touch; _I_ can break; I _could crush_.'She was breathing fast now, too fast, her heart was beating so loudly her whole body was moving to the rhythm.

_And that look_. That look had reminded her that Hal wasn't even Hal anymore. He was part of that murderer who had casually kicked the dead bodies in the street, who had gleefully repainted that bar in blood like it was fucking _Changing Rooms_.

He could do that to her.

He had done it before when he was human; he'd just admitted it. He'd killed people his entire life, it was no big deal to him. He was in fights now – had he killed people? He'd said no, but was he telling the truth? He was drawn to the violence – what next; she drops a cup and he breaks her arm? She could die at any time and this time, the Men with Sticks and Ropes could take her for good.

Alex dragging her knees up to her chin scrunching her eyes shut and gritting her teeth. She saw them everywhere. She'd had no fear of death when she was alive before, then she was dead and nothing could kill her again, nothing could even make her feel pain. But now everything could; anything that before had seemed innocent and safe; she could fall down the stairs and end up in a wheelchair. She could cross the road and get hit by a car. She could slip in the street and break her neck. She could brush passed a random stranger who'd flash black eyes and teeth; then it would be too late.

She was sobbing. She couldn't take it. Everywhere she could die. Everything was a potential fatal weapon. Christ, she could be walking into a pub and have her throat ripped out by another Hal-alike recruiting an army.

She couldn't stand it. She couldn't fight it, not death. And everything meant death now, even the man she thought she was falling in love with.

'Alex?'

Tom. Alex gave a heaving sigh and angrily brushed away the tears.

Tom was outside, gently knocking on the door. He looked so miserable and worried when he came in. Worried for her?

'You alright Alex? Don be getting yerself upset. It aint that bad.' He said, Alex turned to look at him, hunched over herself.

'_Not that bad_?' Alex shook her head in frustration, 'Weren't you down there Tom? Didja not hear him? Our Hal is _gone_, all we have now is a psychopathic ex-vampire who gets himself off beating the crap outta total strangers and _he_ wants us to be _thankful_ because he _says_ he hasnay killing any of em _yet_!' She let out a small howl as the horror and hopelessness filled her.

Tom's eyebrows nitted tightly together. 'Tha's not what e said Alex.' He said coming forward. 'What Hal said, bout killin' people and that from before. He's just havin trouble correctin 'imself.' Alex blinked, 'That's what this fightin things about, it's what he did back then when he were human. I aint excusing nowt, but, Hal's got allot to get use ta. He needs to remember who he were first, then he can start building imself up into the new man he's gonna be, ya know. He wants to get better, he promised us.'

He came closer and looked into her eyes, fixing her gaze. 'You're choosin to see only the bad, but he's trying to find the good, an maybe he's got a little lost, sos we've gotta help im.'

Alex sniffed and looked at Tom, really looked at him, into his big eyes. After a moment she gave a small laugh. 'You know what Tom,' she said, 'Sometimes I forget just how wonderful you are.'

'Alright calm down.' Said Tom with an awkward shuffle. 'don't start getting all mushy on me.'

Alex smiled, 'No, I'm serious Tom. Thank you, for being you.'

'We just gotta watch im that's all.' He said. 'We need ta make sure he don't get carried away. Not tha he will.' He added hastily. 'But it can't be easy, five hundred years n all that, doing the same thing.'

Alex nodded. She knew this. 'But the _lying_ Tom.' She said, another wave of hopelessness threatening to come again. 'He lied to us before when he was drinking blood, and none of us knew. He's so good how do you know he didn't just make all that stuff about a horrific life up? It's not like we could Google him.' she paused her eyes drifting away and down. 'Do you think he was gonna kill those men tonight?'

Tom thought for a second, then shook his head. 'I don think so Alex. If he were he woulda told us. He said a lot tonight, he coulda lied bout his life but he didn't, he couldn't told us anythin, if he were gonna lie don you think he woulda made himself out ta be a victim, but he didn't, it were honest? That were hard ferrim, we both saw that. He can't fake that.'

Alex looked at Tom, she wanted to believe him. 'But he's so good at seeming normal. It's been months and I thought everything was fine.' God she hated how whiney she had become. She was asking Tom for advice into the working of the man _she_ was supposed to have an intimate relationship with.

'Ah know.' Said Tom as he came over and sat down. 'He seemed alright to me both, I guess he didn't want us ta worry.'

She let out a groan in frustration. 'Ah, what a fuckin joke!' she threw her hands up and lay then over her eyes. 'And here I was thinking he was the adjusted one.' She muttered. 'Just shows, I may have lived, died and then come alive again but I'm still totally fucked in the head when it comes to men.' She gave a small laugh, 'Christ you'd think dying woulda taught me.'

'You're not thinking of breakin up with im are ya?' said Tom.

'I don't know Tom.' Alex said, wrapping her arms around her legs again. 'I'm getting tired of having to ask if he's killed anyone lately. I just want to find a simple guy who doesn't have a violent, murdering, sociopathic life history.' She half smiled. 'Guess that rules out .'

Tom nodded not really knowing what she meant.

'He just needs structure. Like trainin' wheels or with a goldfish, ya can't just put em into a bowl a water straight for the bag, they can't handle it. You have ta introduce em slowly. First in a bag, then let em out.'

Alex looked at him. 'I think we all need that.' Alex said finally.

The morning after, everyone congregated back around the table again. Hal's hands spread out on the surface equal distance apart, he stared at the table, as still as a statue. He was waiting for the blow.

Tom looked at Alex, her eyes red and dark circles under her eyes. No one had slept well that night.

'First Hal, we, that is Alex and I want to say,' Began Tom, taking out a piece of lined notebook paper that he had written on. 'That we _appreciate_ that what you told us yesterday was both difficult, painful and _disconcerting_ for you to say.'

Hal looked up, his eyes dead above dark circles and a blotchy face. He waited.

Alex waited, not taking her eyes off Hal.

'And we _acknowledge_ that you aint that same Hal that we knew.' Tom paused reading. 'But you must also _acknowledge_ to the fullest of your _capacity_ that what you there said doesn't _construct_ the trust between us that was once _torn asunder_. '

Hal's raised an eyebrow eyeing Tom's script. Chris, he hoped Tom hadn't spent the whole night looking through the dictionary. Tom continued, 'That trust was _exacerbated _through a _multitude_ of unfortunate _occasions_-'

'Like when you started sneaking blood from Tom's girl thigh,' Alex glared. Tom looked down fingering his paper, 'and _then_ went on your regressive bender at the bar.' She continued, not giving him time to finish. Hal's eye twitched. 'And now you say that what you did there is just a larger '_liberated'_ version of the shit you pulled from when you were _human_?' She leaned forward, jamming her finger on the table, 'Do you expect us to say 'okay' and just accept that this is the new you? Because let me tell you, I'm not gonna start pre-ordering body-bags for the casualties of your next walkabout!'

Tom sat open mouthed, he looked down at his notes, took a beat then folded it up and put it away. 'Erm,' he looked between the two of them. 'Well I were gonna…' He indicated further down the paper, then shrugged. 'Yeah.' He concluded.

There was a pause._ One, two, three, four, five…_

'As I said,' Hal replied in a low, careful voice as he closed his eyes in concentration, 'the only experience I have of being human first hand occurred a long time ago in a very different world to now. As a grounding it is far from tangible, but it's all I have to start from.' He took a slow breath and looked up. 'I've witnessed life around me, I've watched it but I've not allowed myself to participate fully. I either believed myself so far above it, or it above me that I…' Hal faltered, then gathered himself to try again. 'I've seen every aspect of human nature and I admit; I acted the part.' He looked up at Alex, she looked back at him, both knew what behavior he meant. 'But I don't want to be an actor, I want it to be real.'

'So what do you want?' Said Alex trying, and failing to keep the hostility from her tone. 'No more bullshitting and saying what you think we want to hear. Don't start lying again.'

Hal took a breath. raised his chin and looked them both straight in the eye, 'I want you two to stop expecting the _good_ Hal to come back.' Alex tried to hide a shuddered at the coldness in that look. 'I am sorry that both of you miss him and want him back, but he's not _here_. _Neither_ of them are. I'm not about to go out and gas the local primary school, but neither will I start indexing the larder or cleaning the fridge twice a day again.' Hal paused, he need to keep himself calm.

'I care for you, both of you, and I want to stop having to hide who I am and pretend I'm someone else. I'm tired of it. I am finding it hard to locate my place in a world that I never dreamed I would be part of again. And it will be _impossible_ for me to do that while pretending to be someone who is _not here anymore_.' Hal emphasized the last words firmly. He licked his lips, he was getting worked up again. 'I do know though, that without you, that task will be infinitely harder, perhaps even completely unattainable.' He looked at them, his eyes soft. 'You are the one link to my old life that I want to take with me through this. If you'll let me.' He searched their eyes, he could see they were bending, 'And I need your help.' He whispered.

Alex nodded. Tom let out a breath.

'We'll be there mate' he said, reaching forward and grabbing his shoulder with a squeeze. Hal flinched and pulled away. 'Oh sorry. Forgot you got clobbered there.'

'It's nothing time won't heal.' Hal said with a shadow of a smile.

They stood and Alex gave Hal a tentative hug. As she pulled away she studied his dented face, 'You were lucky it wasn't' worse Hal,' Alex took a breath. 'I don't want to see you like this again. You're not immortal now, give thugs a chance and they'll do this and more.'

Hal smiled and looked at Tom. 'I'll make sure this doesn't happen again.' He promised. 'Tom can help me there, can't you?'

Tom frowned, he looked at Alex who seemed to brighten and he smiled. 'Err, yeah I guess can.'

'Good.' Alex responded, and part of her actually did feel better, maybe now they can start again. She attempted a smile and touched Hal's face gently, he smiled back.

'Now I think it'll be better if I get some makeup over that nose for now. Don't want the guest thinkin' they're signing up to Fight Club do we?'

Hal looked at her blankly but smiled, his shoulders relaxing.

* * *

**So is everything okay now? Really?**

**A few of you may be getting bored of the long monologues, I'm gonna be incorporating a little action, but this story is all about the internal struggle, so thought processes are a necessity. I hope am giving justice to these ultimately complex characters.**

**See you in two days!**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Hello Everyone! I hope you had a nice weekend.**

**Here is the next chapter. **

**I own nothing, Being Human is a (now ended) TV series devised by Toby Whitehouse and shown on BBC3**

* * *

Later during their shift, Tom found Hal taking great pains in straightening the large lobby mirror. Tom smiled as he saw his friend check and re-check himself in the reflection, turning his head first one way and then the other. Tom had to admit; the makeup had done the trick – even if Hal did look a little swollen and bronzy in places.

After watching him for a minute, Tom felt that Hal had had enough time to indulge himself and loudly cleared his throat striding towards his friend, trying to act normal.

'You alright Hal?' He asked in his most casual voice.

Hal turned and gave a small smile, glanced at the mirror again and stepped away. 'Tom, how can I help?' He asked, turning his head to the mirror and deciding his tie needed straightening again.

'Nothin mate. Just wanna see how ya doing.' Tom replied, again trying to seem innocent.

'Fine Tom, thank you.' He could tell the former werewolf wanted something. 'And how are you?' _Did his hair always stand up at the back?_

Tom tilted his head, Hal wasn't looking at him. 'Yeah grand thanks. And you?'

As soon as he said it, Tom mentally kicked himself. Hal paused and looked at his friend through the mirror, eyebrow raised. 'Actually, there were a spot of a problem with Nancy an the cheese in the kitchen but…' He was rambling.

'You're rambling Tom. Please get to the point.'

Tom's eyes widened in innocence. 'I didn't say there were a point did ah?'

Hal looked back at the mirror. 'No Tom, but it's quite clear you have something you wish to say.' He turned to face him. 'The old me would have quite easily let you get there is your own time. But I seem to prefer the direct approach.' He smiled pointedly, 'So, I reiterate: How can I help Tom?'

'Aright, aright.' Tom shuffled. 'Don rush me.'

Hal's smile thinned but he waited.

Tom inhaled a deep breath and looked just to Hal's left. 'You know this mornin' when you said I could help you from not fightin'. Did'ja mean it? Because I would be honored to take my place as your support or sponsor in this difficult time but first I would like to know your plan on just how you expect me to complete this role.'

'No Tom.' Hal said.

'No? You don't have a plan?' replied Tom finally looking at Hal.

'No Tom,' said Hal patiently, 'That's not what I said.'

Tom eyebrows knitted.

Hal sighed a little. He had hoped this would come up later. 'Tom what I said was that you would help me not get a bloody nose again. Which you will.' He stepped closer, 'You do remember how that lout managed to punch me do you?'

Tom stared, he opened his mouth, then closed it. His eyes widened.

_There it was._ 'You distracted me by calling my name. This caused me to lose focus and my opponent to get the upper hand.' Said Hal, softly, with no hint of malice or resentment. 'And _that_ is something I know you can help with by not doing it again.'

Tom shifted. 'But Hal, Alex doesn't want ya to get into fights anymore.'

'I know she doesn't. And I don't want to disappoint her, really I don't.' And he meant it. 'But right now, I am finding it hard to,' he took a calming breath, 'Come to terms with who I now am. This helps give me a clarity by allowing me to see through the fog, so to speak.'

Tom looked at him blankly.

'It has helped me to understand that before, I was bottling up my more,' Hal continued, trying to express his rationalization so Tom would understand, 'expressive side, something that I am sure would have led to the same personality schism that plagued me before. I hope to eventually marry the two into one.' He knitted his hands together to better emphasize his point. 'These two halves need to be identified and brought together, and I believe it can happen. However temporarily this solution is, it has helped me.' He stepped towards Tom who had gone very quiet. 'I want to be the man Alex wants me to be, but I'm not sure I can be yet. I know you understand Tom, just as I know you need the same outlet too.' He added.

'That aint true. How'd you know that? Ya talking rubbish man.' Said Tom, his eyes roving around the room – _Never a good liar,_ Hal thought with fondness. 'I just offered to help ya not to get into trouble, so why would ah want to join ya? Ya mad.'

'Tom, I'm not trying to attack or trap you,' said Hal. He didn't want this, it was going the wrong way, but he had to get through to him. 'Just, please, listen to me.'

'Nah, I aint gonna listen no more.' Tom said shaking his head wildly. 'We thought ya wanted help, but nah your sayin you just wanna lie some more to Alex. And you're trying to make me composite in it.'

'I think you mean 'complicit' Tom,' Hal corrected.

'That's what ah mean!' Said Tom. 'Ya mess with our minds, ya twist things Hal, you make it sound okay to go around hurtin people. And it aint right. You can't do that no more.'

'Then why were you there?' Hal asked.

The question hung in the air. Hal's mouth was set, Tom's whole body was frozen.

'Tom,' Hal said kindly, 'You were there for the same reason I was. We have spent almost our entire lives with monsters inside us, and whether we gave into them or fought against them, we got used to having them there. Now they're gone leaving gaping wounds that need to be filled. I'm not going around killing people, but I have found in necessary to …' he searched for the words, 'acknowledge what is missing in order to find the answer.'

Hal was close; he laid a hand on his shoulder. Tom looked into Hal's eyes, he wanted to see the smirking evil Hal there, he wanted these words to be a trick, but all he saw was someone equally lost, who was trying to make sense for something that neither were prepared for.

'I know the struggle you face Tom, I've seen the way you look every full moon. It's time we faced it; right now, we need this.'

* * *

Alex stared at her phone. It was dusty now as well as being old and battered. She reached out and pressed down on the power button.

Thirty texts, five saying she had voice messages. Alex swallowed. Her finger hovered over the inbox icon. Could she face looking at them? Probably from her friends; after she'd shown up at her Dad's house, got bear hugs, tears, shouts and screams from the four of them she had run back to Barry, saying she still had things to sort out. Important things.

Dad had let her - reluctantly. It has helped that the Men in Grey had stepped in and made it look official. What was the cover story again? Kidnap attempted and amnesia, stuck in a hospital not knowing her own name with all the appropriate witness statements and documentation to go along with it. The body that was buried? Grief made her father identify someone else, remarkably similar in appearance, but definitely not their daughter. No, the dental records proved it they said. And Hal? Once she'd got her memory back she's gone to find him; the only person she knew would still be in Wales, he'd helped bring her home. Yes, she was lucky she remembered the café, that he remembered her, that he was willing to help her, wasn't he a kind and decent guy?

She said she would be back in a while. That was what… four months ago. When had she last spoken to them? A month ago? Maybe two now. Calling when she knew they would all be out, a short halting message saying she was fine, things were taking longer than expected, but she would be there soon.

She snatched the phone up, angry at her own weakness – what the Hell was wrong with her? She was never like this before, _ever_! She didn't do ponsing about hiding in corners. She was _Alex fucking Millar,_ the kinda girl who challenged men twice her size to drinking contests and won; who walked up to a guy and made the first move, who saw something and went for it.

_Like Hal_. She mind flashed to seeing his back as he played air guitar on a broom, his little smirk when she asked if he was gay, waving from behind the counter where he'd been hiding, Then her leaning in to kiss him, opening her eyes to find him gone, the stuttering voice mail he'd left asking her out of a drink. That drink. '_I've been drinking already_.' Alex's face, which had been wearing a ghost of a smile fell and became dark. She'd been so close to death and had no idea. There was no warning; no dramatic music like in films; no last minute rescue; she'd just died…

_Fuck_, she thought. She lifted her phone and pressed the voicemail button. She needed to snap out of this now.

First was from her Dad three weeks ago.

'Heya darling. Seem ta have missed you again. Hope everything's okay there. We're all wantin to see you again luv, I shhh, shut up ya little… what, you serious? Well how did it get there? Like Hell it did, that little shite… sorry luv, haveta go. Ryan's managed to wedge the hifi in the neighbors tree. Love ya, come back soon yeah?'

Alex smiled. She pressed to move on to the second.

It was another one from her father, and then another from Ryan saying when she came back could she pick up some of that sherbet stuff from Barry Fair they couldn't get it here. Oh and some of those gel pocket things to wash clothes in, the ones Dad bought were rubbish.

Then a couple from her friends, some clearly dialed while on the piss, asking when she was next out, they'd saved her a sambucca, did she know that club they went to had been done up? Who was this Hal guy anyway, they couldn't find him on facebook. Did she have a photo? He better not be like the other jokers she usually dated!

The sixth wasn't recent. It was from before she was human again. It was her father.

'I just called to hear ya voice message. We've just had the funeral an I needed to hear ya voice. I love ya darlin.'

She moved over to the next one fast, this time there was crackling on the line, like someone was speaking under a blanket.

_Dekkie_

'Alex? Where are ya Alex? I miss ya. Please come back home soon, why're you not here? (sniff). I need ya.-'

Alex hung up. She sat staring at the phone, her chest felt warm and cold at the same time, her heart was fast even though she was breathing slow. Her eyes were prickling. No, she wasn't ready for them, they had all known she was dead, now she was back, but for how long? They would have to go through all that hurt and anger and not knowing and pain when she died again. And how dare they! They were acting like it had been one long holiday for her, bring back fucking wash tabs? Sambucca? _She had died?_ She has seen things they couldn't even imagine, she knew vampires, werewolves and ghosts existed, could be anywhere and they wanted to go to a club?

Her grip tightened and she threw the phone as hard as she could against the wall. It's back fell off, there was a crunch of shattered screen and a slap of plastic as the pieces hit the wooden floor.

Alex wrapped her hands around her head, bent over and cried.

* * *

**That Hal can talk a good game to anyone. And the scary thing is - he believes what he's saying!**

**Is this the right way to go for them or not? What Hal says makes sense, is that half the problem?**

**Next chapter is due Wednesday**

**Review if you feel like it, I love reading what people say!**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Hello Everyone!**

**Sorry for the delay, been ill. yuck!**

**Okay so the extra scene has now been released with the DVD, loved it!**

**I am going to continue with this story though as I really am enjoying writing it, and hope those of you who are still reading are also.**

**As this is a short chapter, the next will be up shortly.**

**I own nothing Being Human, though I wish I did!**

* * *

Hal had planned everything perfectly; Rotas were all sorted, he'd moved a change of clothes to the hotel a week before and promised Alex that he wouldn't leave Tom's side.

He'd kept Tom away from Alex as much as possible; last thing he needed – what _both_ of them needed was for Alex to spot Tom's blatant guilty tells.

And they were becoming more and more blatant. But then again, Hal mused, so was Tom in general. Now that he had confided in Tom and got him to agree to his little experiment of 'coming down from the monster', he noticed just how tense Tom was all the time. It was like puberty had taken a thunderpunch to his friend as Tom lurched like bewildered lost child from hot anger to deep despair. Hal would try and cut him off when he could, but to be honest he was having a hard enough time keeping his own façade of togetherness intact.

He would find himself forced to keep a serene appearance around Alex, mixed with a little frustration and anger at small things – just so she would think he really was trying to get better on her terms. He'd make all the conversation at the table, take all Alex's focus so she wouldn't look at Tom fidgety body, flexed fists and guilt ridden glances until she was out of the room, then he would place a hand on Tom and whisper 'Just a few more days.'

He was still dragging the boy along by his heels as it was. 'This aint right,' Tom kept saying, pulling Hal to one side down a corridor, into a corner, in the kitchen. 'It's no good hurtin people.'

'Fine,' said Hal the night before they were due to go out. He turned from the sink, looking around to see if Alex was near, no, probably up in the attic again. He then turned back to Tom and looked him squarely in the eye. 'Bring a stake.' He hissed.

'What?' Tom's eyes popped.

'You heard me. You won't hurt people, we'll just have to find something you will.'

'What, like _vampires_? But how'd we find em? We can't pick em out like we useta.'

'You might not.' Said Hal looking into the living room, he didn't want to have this conversation here. 'But everyone has tells, and I know every trick in the book.'

Tom looked at him, moving his head away to regard him better. 'Why's this the first you mentioned it. Why'ave ya been attacking normal people if you could find em?'

Hal's head shot back, his eyes narrowed dangerously. 'I have not been _attacking_ anyone.' He almost spat. 'Those people were spoiling for a fight and I just made sure I was there rather than someone else. And,' he stepped menacingly towards Tom, his teeth gritted, his mask of calm slipping. 'I haven't gone out looking for vampires because unlike thugs, vampires are dangerous, they're experienced and vicious and their end game is death, _not_ a beating.'

'Then why now? If they're so dangerous.' pressed Tom, he was standing his ground which made Hal's hand twitch.

'Because Tom, it is clear that even though you were ready to break the chef's rib cage for spilling sauce on you yesterday, premeditated violence is still a step too far.' Tom went to protest his innocence. 'I was there Tom, I know what that look means.' Hal swallowed, there was no point going into more details. He closed his eyes, his heart was beating fast again. He counted to _three, four, five_ then looked up again, his voice slow, confident and calm. 'We will look for one vampire, on their own. I don't know if it will be hard or easy, but… hopefully it will work.'

He stepped away and turned back to the sink where he was washing up. The discussion was over. He heard Tom shuffle out then thump up the stairs. Hal waited until he heard Tom's door slam. _Oh good more holes in the walls_. He continued to circle round a plate with the brush before dropping it into the sink with a splosh. He leaned forward placing both hands on the side of the sink and let out an unsteady breath.

Was it going to make it better? He wasn't sure any more. All he knew was the spaces of peace between nights out were getting shorter. When he grabbed Tom before he lunged for the chef and whispered that it wasn't long to go before the full moon, he had been shaking. Hal had repeated that same phrase in his own head over and over again for the last two weeks _'Not long, a few more days,'_. He'd started muttering to himself he was sure, sometimes he woke up in the night in a cold sweat, promising Alex who had lain beside him that it was just another nightmare of the past, not a dream of the future.

He looked up at the wall in front of him and ripped off the marigolds, throwing them carelessly into the bowl of water. He strode into the living room, suddenly desperate for something, anything to do. The organ? Could he play some Mozart or Rachmaninov? He went over then pulled a face and backed off. Better not; didn't want to start Alex off again.

He crossed to the bar and stopped. He looked down. This was where he had stood when he'd first seen his refection after five hundred years. He placed his feet where they had been before, he turned slowly, head bowed just like he had with both hands on the surface, trying to capture that first feeling of pure fearful, dreadful hope. Then he slowly raised his head, then his eyes.

He blinked. His face had lost some its peachy glow, or had he just got used to seeing it? His nose was discolored, but it was the right shape now. He turned his head one way and then the other. Then he just stared.

Who's face was this? Was it Hal the soldier? Hal the Old One, or Tom and Alex's Hal. Or was he another now? Was this the face of new Hal? Hal the human; Hal the thug? Hal the angry, lonely creature who even after all these centuries, still had no place? Had he lived too long and seen too much as a vampire to ever fit into another?

The face of a lost man looked back at him. He knew where he wanted to be – with Alex, upstairs, her in his arms, smiling and laughing, walking along the beach, taking her to Paris (not just the hotel dining room). Smiling as children skipped around them, as _their_ children skipped around them maybe? Sitting around tutting at the horrors of the world that crept no further into their lives then the television screen. No longer being hungry for anything other than soup or chocolate biscuit. Not needing blood, not having it occupy every second of his life. Not missing that taste; that warm, deep, rich, thick nectar that he could remember, that his whole body achingly remembered so so well; sucking in time to the fading heart beat, feeling the rhythm, as its life washed and mingled into his own in a warm almost orgasmic haze.

Hal opened his eyes with a gasp. He was still standing at the bar, he hadn't remembered closing his eyes. He licked his lips, his mouth was wet and he wiped his hand across them to get rid of some of the moisture. He looked at himself in the mirror in horror. Why had he thought of that? Why had he let himself remember? Hal pushed himself away, staggering a little.

'Just one more day,' He said to himself out loud.

* * *

**As vampires are getting a mentioned into this, I thought I would put a disclaimer at the start of my story explaining. And here it is again for those who are reading on from here. **

**Author's note take two: In this world, Only Tom, Hal and Alex have had their curses removed. Just like when Hal first tried to kill the devil in 1918, the three participants (Werewolf Leader Lady Catherine Glass, Ghost necromancer Emile Parsons and random vampire flunky #2) were effected (killed), so now, the three participants (This time Hal, Tom and Alex) are effected (made human). Vampires, werewolves and ghosts still exist, although our three heroes _had_ agreed to avoid all that 'supernatural nonsense'**


	10. Chapter Ten

**Two in one day, lucky you!**

**I own nothing.**

**Reviews are always gleefully welcome! I love to hear what you have to say! All thoughts on future progression are also wonderfully welcome!**

* * *

Tom followed Hal to the destination he had chosen; a club on the rough – _well rougher, _though Hal with a sniff part of town.

It was loud. It was loud and noisy, smelly and disgusting. People kept bumping into them and Tom was just a hair's width away from leaving or he'd lose it.

Hal was scanning the room. It was full to bodies moving, but the club was also full of mirrors. Not good for a vampire, but no one here was looking very hard at reflections or would notice a gap if they did chance to see a reflection.

Hal smiled, this place as perfect. Everyone was drunk, throwing themselves around, faces were blurred and it was dark. His eyes narrowed as he looked up at the ceiling where a round mirror hung above the dance floor. A group of girls were gyrating, a swarm of men around them. Hal dismissed it. _No, you never go for groups_. He looked around.

'Found any yet?' Tom shouted into his ear for the fifth time. Hal flinched as his ears rang, frowned. 'Not yet.' He said tersely. He took a breath. He was going about this wrong. He shouldn't think about looking for a vampire. He should think about what a vampire would be looking _for_.

Tom bobbed around him, his head was darting this way and that. At least he was finding it just as unpleasant as Hal was.

In truth, Tom was finding it worse. He had always avoided clubs, he had been in them once or twice but only with McNair when they were hunting, so it was a quick in and out. He looked at his watch. They had been here for almost an hour and nothing. He'd tried to see if he could sense vampires. But there was nothing. He couldn't even tell the difference between men and women in here.

Another person pushed passed him. He growled. And above all that, he had to put up with this trail of girls brushing close by him as they eyed up the oblivious Hal.

When the fifth girl just happened to squeeze herself between the two, spill a bit of her drink and lean in for a giggly 'sorry' in Hal's directing Tom almost lost it: 'Don be sorry, just go around,' he made a wide sweeping gesture around his other side where there was plenty of space. 'Go _around_.' He mouthed as he took hold of her arm and gave her a small shove.

Hal had looked at him and frowned not understanding what he was doing, the girl gave a small drunken protest, glared, grimaced and tottered away.

Tom was about to explain when Hal stiffened. 'There.' He said, nodding towards the bar.

Tom turned around, grabbing for the stake he'd tucked into the back of his trousers. Hal snatched at his hand and pulled him closer. 'Not in here you fool. _Wait_.' Tom stopped, he looked at Hal who seemed to bore down on him and nodded.

They both turned to watch and waited.

There in the corner was a small, slightly plump brunette girl in a too loose black non-descript dress. She had her back to them as she nervously guzzled down a drink that had just been bought for her. The buyer was standing profile to Tom and Hal, a tall man in a long leather jacket and messy dark blonde hair. He kept scratching at his stubble which was patchy in places. _A newly turned,_ Hal guessed. _Still can't handle a razer or deal with his appearance through touch_. He looked at the clothes. _Less_ _than five years old_. The man leaned in to whisper into the short haired girl's ear. She bowed her head in laughter as his eyes flicked down to her shoulder and he wetted his lips. _Too young to prolong the game, it won't be long._

He could imagine what he was saying, he could picture what to do so she felt flattered and relaxed, but kept drinking. Full of wonder and confidence that she had been picked out from the crowd by this mysterious man tonight, a seemingly ordinary night where she had half wanted to not bother coming out. How _lucky_ she was that she had.

His eye twitched. He was staring too much. He looked around. He needed to see where they would go.

'I'm going to go out there.' He pointed to a fire door. 'It leads to the alley, that's where they'll go.'

Tom looked bewildered at where he pointed by nodded. 'Alright, I'll stay ere. Just in case.' He said.

Hal looked at his friend. Tom had a new energy, he was swinging his shoulders ready for the fight to come as excitement and adrenaline picking up his mood. Hal nodded, looking back once more at the pair, the vampire had his hand on her leg, yes, it was close now.

He nodded and started to weave through the crowd towards the door.

He waited in the alley, hidden by another doorway that led to a cheap Italian restaurant's kitchen. He waited and held his breath, the thump thump of the music seeming to replace the thumping of his pulse.

They came out together; the girl hanging off his arm, wobbling forward, totally unaware that her suitor was staring blatantly at her neck, not her eyes.

Hal had not moved, his mouth half open as he watched what was happening in front of him. The deep kiss that brought her up into his arms, how the vampire turned her around to ram her up against the wall leading to gasp in surprise, but she wouldn't protest at the uncomfortable force, she didn't want the guy to lose interest. Hal could see the vampire's profile again, then she shifted and he moved to the side, another deep kiss as his hand moved up to her neck, his fingers feeling out the deep jugular artery located deep down.

Hal subconsciously gripped the brick wall, him fingers digging into the cement; he didn't dare breathe.

Then he saw the flash of black – or more the familiar reaction to it; drawing back for a second so she could see the monster's face, opening mouth wide so the extended fangs were on glorious display, at the same time one hand wrapping around her mouth before she screamed, descending down.

A loud burst of noise, the fire doors opening and Tom coming out bewildered, looking left then right, then lunging at the vampire, pulling him off.

Hal had snapped out of it, shaken his head and leapt forward, grabbing the girl and thrusting her away 'Don't just stand there, _Run_.' He shouted at her before turning back and joining the attack.

It was over too quickly. Both Hal and Tom looked at each other and thought the same thing before ash had even settled on the floor.

Tom searched his friends face in the weak light from a street lamp at the end of the alley. Their hearts were pumping but their breath was measured; in the end all it had taken was a swift grab at the back of the vampire's shoulders from Hal and Tom ramming the stake home. Over in less than a minute.

'Is that it Hal?' Asked Tom, blinking. 'Can we go home now? Are we gonna be alright?'

It was a pleading question and it broken Hal's heart to hear it.

Hal shook his head and tried to smile. He reached out to his young friend. 'No Tom. Now we can find another.'

Tom blinked. 'Really? I thought you said one would be enough.'

'I wanted to make sure you were ready,' lied Hal. 'We're human now Tom; they're stronger than us now. Don't worry. I know where to find more in there.'

Tom paused, looking at Hal, he then nodded, put the stake behind his belt again and walked back towards the club door.

Hal watched him go. 'I'll just get rid of the clothes.' He said.

'Aright mate. Good to see ya mad cleanin habits coming back! Bagsie my room next!' Grinned Tom

'I never did and never will venture in there Tom.' Hal said trying to sound jovial as he watched Tom reenter the club.

Hal swallowed hard as the door closed. He was shaking as he turned around and looked at the ash covered clothes. His feet dragged on the ground as he got close to them, crouched down and picked them up.

He turned to the dumpster that was positions against the wall, opened the lid and placed the items into the darkened interior.

He let the lid close, bringing his two hands on the edge, bent his head and leaned against them, not daring to breathe, not wanting to think.

Hal's mouth was dry. Why had he paused? Why had he just stood there and watched? He knew every move that the vampire would make, it was textbook beginner, but he couldn't bring himself to intrude, he'd just needed to see one more second…

He could have kicked the vampire off her as soon as they were out. All this nonsense to Tom about not being ready to fight a vampire in their new human forms, they could have taken him easily together. Hal could have taken that idiotic excuse for a vampire while dealing with a raging hangover for Chris' sake.

Hal wanted to answer the question, but the thought of the only possible reason so terrified him now he couldn't even form the words to himself.

Hal opened his eyes, took one slow, deep, calming breath and pushed himself off the dumpster. He looked around the empty alley and started walking back into the club.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Hello Everyone.**

**I hope you all had a good weekend. This is slightly theological chapter - well this whole story results from the bloody Devil, so I had to throw in religion somewhere!**

**I have played fast and loose with the Bible and its interpretation here. It is a character's viewpoint, nothing more. **

**I own nothing. Being Human is owned by Toby Whitehouse. The BBC used to fund it.**

* * *

Four nights.

Alex lay in her bed – she'd stopped calling it 'theirs' – for the fourth night in a row alone. She looked at the clock next to the bed – 12.47 and sighed. They were both out tonight, Hal and Tom. They'd been going out for over a month, three, sometimes four nights a week, the frequency increasing as the amount of night he spent with her decreased.

She didn't know where they went. Their answers were vague at best and snappy at worst. The last time she had pressed Hal he had rounded on her 'What does it matter what we do? Tom's babysitting me and we're both getting better, isn't that what you wanted?'

It was true; Tom was thriving. He had more energy, he smiled more and had started doing well meaning, if not entirely useful jobs around the house. She had requested that he keep himself to the kitchen or basement after finding him attempting to iron her bras into submission along with the other washing.

His latest project involved trying to turn the said basement into a gym, humming as he whizzed around with this and that, hammering along to radio one at full blast despite Hal's yells for silence. He was always going somewhere, doing something, so much so she had barely spoken more than five sentences to him in a week. If Alex had been the suspicious type, she might have wondered that all these new projects, jobs and nighttime excursions were the ideal way to avoid any long conversations with her. It had certainly been a while since she'd seen Tom without Hal around.

_Hal_… Alex frowned and tossed to her side. He wasn't doing so well. He would sit in his room reading, he had started re-arranging the books and plates again but it wasn't like how the old Hal had done it. He would frown, pause, his eyes glazing over into the distance right in front of him. Then he'd jerk back and go do something else, the original task left uncompleted. Some nights he had even come home at separate times from Tom, black circles under his eyes, his frown deeper. He would sit downstairs tapping each finger against his thumb as he stared blankly at the muted TV.

* * *

She had woken to find his space next to her vacant again, Alex had gingerly crawled down the stairs towards the bright lights of the front room, rubbing her eyes.

'Hal?'

He'd jerked his head towards her from his place on the sofa, blinking fast as if he'd half forgotten who she was.

'Alex,' he'd said with a look of tense relief. 'I'm sorry, did I wake you?' He added slightly bewildered.

'Yeah all the noise from the silent telly was getting on my nerves.' Alex glanced at what suspiciously looked like Jeremy Kyle, she shook her head, Hal must have been way out of it to let that on. 'What you doin up? It's four thirty, only ravers and Asbo holder should be awake now.'

'_What hath night to do with sleep_.' He said simply, his head turning back to the screen.

Alex wandered over to the opposite end of the sofa and perched on the end. 'We'll not sure what that means but it doesn't look like you've even tried to sleep yet.' She said eyeing up his fully dressed form.

Hal looked at her questioningly, then down at himself, he slowly brushed something off his chest, once, twice, and then the third time his hand stopped momentarily over his heart before resting on him lap again.

'Who said that?' ventured Alex. Hal looked at her. 'The '_hath no sleep'_ thing?'

'It's Milton's poem Paradise Lost. I have been thinking about it a lot recently.' Hal replied.

'Could ya say it for me?' Alex said, poetry really wasn't her thing and both of them knew it, but she wanted him to talk, maybe that would get him out of this… whatever it was.

Hal smiled, 'It's quite a long poem Alex. And it is late.' his faraway look returned. He remained that way for a while, so still that Alex thought maybe he had gone to sleep with eyes open, she almost backed away to bed again, feeling a bit unnerved by this silent ghost that was before her.

'Can I ask you something Alex?' Hal said, so softly she had almost believed she'd dreamed it.

She waited. Hal seemed lost in thought again.

'Yes?' She whispered when he didn't continue.

Hal didn't look back at her, seemingly unaware she was there. 'Do you ever wonder if the reversal of our curses.' Hal paused, finally looking up. 'Were a reward from God or did He mean something else by it?'

Alex blinked. _Where the fuck had that come from? _'I er, I honestly haven't thought about it.' She said carefully.

'I have.' Hal responded.

'Well, what do you think?' asked Alex as she slid down into the sofa, bringing her legs up to her chest on the seat.

'I can hardly deny that God exists like I once did.' Hal said. He looked down at his hands again. 'But would the fact that He allowed the Devil to exist in the first place, mean that it was part of his design? As a means to bring people towards him, there is nothing better that the threat of a stick over the lure of a carrot. Especially if that stick is eternal damnation in the company of the Devil. So would He reward us, for destroying that deterrent?'

Alex was taken aback. She had never seen Hal like this; he seemed lost; a man questioning his core beliefs and coming up empty; she didn't like it; this wasn't the hada-answer-for-everything Hal. It frightened her.

'I was a vampire for four hundred years before I believing in the Devil, and that was only because I had proof right in front of me. I believed that once he was trapped, utopia would reign, but he was right, humanity didn't prosper in peace, they descended into a war the likes of which had never been seen before, with weapons I doubt even God himself could have conceive.'

He looked over at Alex. 'Was it punishment from God for removing one of His creations? For attempting to alter His Great Design?' He frowned and looked away. 'In obtaining knowledge Adam and Eve disobeyed God's law to eat from the Tree of Knowledge so he banished them. It was only when they toiled in the wasteland that they realized what they had done by their act of defiance. And they never forgot the Paradise they had lost; that was their punishment.'

Hal stopped. His eyes had lifted to the television again, but Alex could tell he wasn't watching it. Slowly she reached out her hand and covered one of his. 'Hal,' she started carefully. 'We were cursed by the Devil and now that curse is gone. There is no monster to control or tempt you anymore. How can that be a punishment?'

'_Because He will never let us forget_.' Hal whispered.

'Hal,' Alex half sprang forward, placing her hand on the side of Hal's frowning face. 'All those things you did in the past weren't you. I'm not saying you should forget what you did, but remember that it's not who you are now. Now, please Hal, you're scaring me.'

Hal looked at her face, his eyes darting over hers. He started to protest that it wasn't what he'd meant. That it wasn't the evil, it was the memory of… Finally he smiled, it was sad, but it was enough for Alex.

'You're right Alex.' He said, then his voice became stronger, more like the old Hal. 'Forgive me, I think too much.'

Alex smiled back. 'Yeah you do.' She chided. 'But I'm not surprised after five hundred years of reading every dull book ever written.' She leaned back. 'Seriously, tomorrow we're starting you off on some Calvin & Hobbs to lighten the mood.'

Hal smiled but his eyes remained the same.

'Are you comin to bed now?' She said.

Hal had nodded and looked down at his hands again. 'In a second.'

Alex frowned a little, then on impulse she leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Hal responded, but his hands remained where they were.

When she pulled away her eyes searched his, she knew his fears weren't eased, his eyes were dull. 'Okay, see you upstairs.' She said, would wait for him to come up, and she would hug him, and they would make love and he would be back to normal, and everything would be fine.

Hal nodded again.

After Alex left Hal remained on the sofa, his hands poised over his thighs like he was about to play a piano. It wasn't her fault that she didn't understand what he meant.

Perhaps it was for the best that she had misinterpreted his words. She needed him to be strong, and silence was better than the truth.

The smile had remained fixed on his face. He didn't move for the rest of the night.

* * *

Alex tossed again and looked back at the clock. 12.57. That had all happened what felt like months ago. No, it had been days she reminded herself.

The next day Hal hadn't said anything at breakfast and neither had she. She told herself it was because Tom was there and neither she nor Hal wanted to worry him. _Was that right? _Alex thought. _Was it Tom that had made them hesitate?_ Hal had been quiet, but he had smiled, arranged the plates and cutlery, boiled the kettle, toasted the bread and cleared up just like normal.

_Just like normal._

Alex gave off an involuntary shudder. He had done everything he was supposed to; she had done her routine of washing, drying and waving off the boys exactly as before. Both were doing precisely what they always did.

_So why did it feel so strange? _Asked the voice in her head. Why did it feel like two machines going through the motions. They were human; they should be having the time of their _new_ lives. Instead, it was like this; it wasn't working.

* * *

**Okay! so now Alex is starting to finally let doubts creep in; Hal's careful grip seems to be faltering (talking religion!) and Tom has taken to building a gym. Next chapter in a few days!**

**References:**

**_'What hath night to do with sleep_.'**

**A line from John Milton's (1608-1674) epic poem (1667) _Paradise Lost_. Actually this was going to be my original title for this story, but I thought against it. I have included though some quotes. As most of the story is from Hal's POV, I have picked those that I think represent his train of thought. As he says above, he has been thinking about the poem for a while, so have I.**

**I would say go read it, it is very very long though. The summary: Adam and Eve in Eden, Angels come and talk to them, warn them about Satan who has organized Hell and has come to find and poison them to spite God, and about going against the word of God by telling them the story of the fall of Lucifer. Adam and Eve then are tempted and ultimately thrown out of Paradise.**


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Hello All!**

**First of all sorry for the huge delay. Yes I did say a few days but life got catastrophically in the way. It's going to be sporadic posting for the next few weeks.**

**Second, thanks to all you readers****. There have now been over 600 of you individual readers this month who have dropped by. Yay.**

**Okay so here we go, back to everyone's favorite (ex) werewolf and vampire.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Tom looked at his old Nokia 3310 phone and frowned, it had been given to him by McNair as a means of contact if ever there was an emergency. He looked through the numbers, there were very few, all helpfully added by other people:

_Alex_

_Allison x_

_George Sands WW_

_Hal – call DON'T text_

_Home – HH_

_Hotel_

_McNair_

_Natasha :)_

_Nina Pickering WW_

_Tony café_

It was the second one that stood out; Allison. He'd avoided Allison since becoming human. As far as she was concerned, nothing had changed. She had called after to find out about the suspiciously transparent 'gas leak'. He'd explained what he felt he could; supernatural stuff, nothing to worry about now, all good.

He'd hoped that now that he, Alex and Hal were human, so were all supernaturals. But that wasn't the case. He'd last spoken to her after the first full moon since the death of the Devil.

He's asked tentatively how was she feeling, every part of him hoping that the full moon had been surprisingly uneventful?

'Tired, but you know, it's all par for the course isn't it? I was a bit disconcerted though when I woke, I think I ate a rabbit.'

Tom smiled as she went on to explain there was a lot of fur around her, she'd found a leg, judging by it's size it had been a male so no chance of little baby rabbits being orphaned thank Goodness!

'Right,' Tom said nodding down the phone, 'Ah can imagine.'

'Is Everything okay Tom?' Allison said, her familiar enthusiastic tone causing his insides to squirm. 'You sound more detached than usual. Nothing nefarious happening in Barry again is there?'

'Yeah, Ah mean nah all good ere, just… tired innit.'

'Are you sure,' she pressed, excitement entering her energetic tone, 'Because I have been searching for alerts in the Barry region for unusual activity-' Tom laughed. 'Now don't laugh Tom, but there has been a distinct lack of anything suspicious, which, in itself, I find mistrustful. The Government seem to be working overtime.'

'Well ah don know anything about that.' Tom had told her about the Men in Grey, which had only fuelled Allison's enthusiasm for conspiracy theories lately. 'Me un Hal an Alex aint involved anymore.'

He hadn't elaborated any more than that.

He couldn't tell her. How could he tell her? Sitting on his bed facing away from the door staring at his phone, Tom didn't even hear Hal coming up behind him. 'What's troubling you Tom?' He said softly.

Tom jumped. 'Ah stop that man! Don you knock no more? I coulda been in the nuddy!'

'With the door open?' Hal ventured.

Tom stopped, he couldn't honestly think of a response. Finally, he gave up, hunching further over his phone again. 'Jus knock yeah?' He mumbled.

'You've been up here for hours Tom. Alex is wondering what you're doing.' He looked at what Tom was holding, confusion giving way to understanding. 'You're thinking about Allison aren't you?' Said Hal. 'Is it guilt or fear that is keeping you from contacting her?'

'How'dja know that?' Asked Tom with a start.

Hal smiled sadly. 'All but one on that phone are dead or here. It was a logical assumption.' Tom shrugged, 'You didn't answer me Tom,' Hal said coming into his room and gingerly skirting a discarded pair of shoes.

'What?'

'You haven't spoken to her in five months, why?'

Tom put down the phone and rubbed his hands through his shaved head in frustration. 'Ah don know man.' Hal waited, he could work out why; guilt at Allison still suffering the agony of werewolf transformations every month, or fear that once he told her, they would have nothing to link them anymore. But it was up to Tom to talk now; he needed to voice it himself. 'What if she don wan me no more now I aint… you know.'

Hal waited.

'Look, when Allison came round before, she didn't properly _like_ like me until she came huntin. And I shouldna don that, because she was gentle before and kind, and it were like I woke the monster in her. But,' He thought some more. 'She's still gentle and kind, even with the wolf, but me, ah don have the wolf no more, but I still aveta do this. She's gone home, and she's livin with her folks, even with her curse. She's goin through this every month and stayin the same lovely clever girl she was, and am human, and I'm still livin like it's still in me. But ah don't. So we aint even got that linkin us ave we?'

Hal looked at his friend. 'It is what you're used to, and her life is what she's used to. The fact that she has managed to maintain that semblance of normality is admirable. In the same way you have too. You both started off in very different places, and are making adjustments accordingly. Who knows, it may bring you closer.'

Tom frowned, it sounded good, but everything Hal said sounded good, that didn't mean it was. 'All ah know is, we met because we were the same, an now we aint.'

'Look at Alex and me.' Hal said, trying another angle 'She was human, and I was a 500 year old vampire, then she died because of me and she was a ghost trapped here. This is the first time that we have been the same species ever, but our relationship started when we couldn't have been more separate, it built the foundations that we now stand on. Two people can start off opposites and grow together, so can two people with a shared past connection. Doesn't that give you hope?'

'I guess. I don know. Ah mean I know she aint gonna wan ta kill me like you did with Alex.' Hal swallowed awkwardly, 'But, she's so clever an that, she's bin ta school, and going to uni to become a doctor or barrister an I… I'm just, well look at me.' He threw his hands out and around the room.

Hal smiled thinly 'I'd really rather not focus on the room Tom if it's all the same to you. But,' he said hurrying on, 'I have known many werewolves that have had long and loving relationships with humans; in the end it is only one night a month that separates you.'

'But bein... you know. Were all we had linkin us.' Tom said. 'What if she only liked the wolf?'

'Being the same species may help build relationships in the beginning, but it is hardly the means of sustainability Tom. The wolf may have brought you together, but it is your character, your personality that will keep that connection going.'

Tom looked up at Hal, 'D'ja really mean that?'

'Yes Tom, I do.'

Tom nodded, but his eyes remained unfocused.

'Is there something else Tom?' Hal asked, he could see Tom wasn't saying all that was on his mind.

'Nah, am good.' He mumbled.

Hal waited another beat, then decided to leave. As he headed towards the door he took one last cursory look around the clutter and mess, his razor sharp eyes landing on the thing Tom must had been working on when he first came up. 'You need to hide those from Alex.' He said pointing to the three whittled stakes that lay haphazardly on the floor next to a cross. 'She can't see them.'

Tom's eyes followed his, his frown deepened. 'Why can't she know Hal? I hate lyin to her.'

'I know, Tom,' Hal said. 'I don't like it either. But she won't understand that this is helping.'

'It aint helpin er.' Tom replied.

'No, but it's helping you; and killing vampires is helping people. We are helping people Tom.' Hal sighed, rubbing his face and screwing up his eyes, 'Look, approaching Alex with this right now isn't wise, she's too insular right now.' Tom looked at him blankly. 'She can't process other perspectives, her own issues blinker her from understanding anything beyond what she deems as normal. And _that_.' He indicated the stakes, 'She will not see as normal. Okay?'

Tom looked at Hal; he was right, Hal was always right it seemed. Alex just got angry when they didn't do what she wanted. She had made them cook a Sunday roast the other day and thrown a fit when Hal had scheduled a shift that started at two. She was on a knife edge, Tom felt like he was still no a knife-edge. The only one who seemed to remain calm and in control most of the time was Hal, and that worried Tom. He'd been used to Hal being in control, but that had created pressure old Hal had dealt with it with routines, and OCD and general 'Hal-ness', he didn't know how new Hal would cope with that.

Tom nodded and went to pick up the stakes to hide them. The conversation had ended and Hal was turning to leave.

'Hal,' Tom said as he was about to close the door. Hal stopped and turned, he waited as Tom seemed to search around the room for what to say next. 'All this; Allison, hunting vampires. Who… Who am ah without the wolf?' He asked.

Hal stared at him. For once, he couldn't think of anything reassuring to say. He suddenly felt so tired of always being the one to support. 'I don't know Tom, what are any of us without our monsters?'

He walked out, Tom's bewildered stare boring into his back.

* * *

**Okay, so as I said, I will post when I can.**

**Please review, it keeps me going. :-D (contructive critisism is also very much loved!)**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Hello everyone.**

**This is exclusively Hal. It's also longer than normal.**

**So, what's happening to Hal, is he evening out? Is he keeping it all in? Who knows!**

**As I said in the last chapter, my life has gone hectic, or as Alex so eloquently put it 'Shit just got real' while she meant outside the pub, I borrow that phrase to describe my life at the moment.**

**So yeah, not sure when I will get another chapter out, poss next Tuesday (coz of the Bank holiday).**

**As always, I own nothing.**

* * *

It had happened too easily. Hal was half surprised it hadn't happened earlier; like it had with Fergus at the café; only a matter of time.

Hal's blood seemed to freeze, but an eye twitch was all that gave away his sudden shock when he saw the look of recognition on the vampire's face. He was down on the beach, Hal was outside the hotel, heading back from another tiresome day at work.

Hal thought, he'd not waited for the encounter to take place in the open, instead, after a beat, he'd signaled to a street a little way off, at this distance, the vampire – Sidney Robins or Sid to those who knew him – wouldn't notice anything different about Hal, not yet anyway.

He'd weighted up the options in his head - as always. One, he could deny it; Sid wasn't the cleverest and anyway, he was human; a doppelganger was more believable that a cure to vampirism. But Sid wouldn't leave it at that, he'd come back, or worse still; stay and make his own Hal-look-alike. Two; stake him, but Hal didn't want to kill either; he'd always been fond of Sid, he had a good sense of humour and – although Hal had find it infuriating at the time – Sid had always had a strong moral code, keeping a fatherly watchful eye on his human family decades after recruitment – a rare thing.

'Hal, thank fuck I found you! I knew you were here! Ha! Fan-bloody tastic! I…' His voice trailed off the nearer they got to each other.

'Hello Sid,' Hal said. He was going to face this head on.

'Fuck man, what… are... is that a _heart beat_?' Sid had said after following Hal into the street that was narrow and empty, even if it was still daylight.

'I'm human Sid, I don't belong in your world anymore, please leave.' He said without much hope – even in his own head he sounded ridiculous. Sid ignored it.

'What the Hell man? How did this happen? Wha-' Sid's tenuous grasp on language was making him look like a fish out of water. Finally, after a mouth gaping pause one thought seemed to clarify in his head. 'How are you not slitting your wrists right now?'

Hal blinked. He hadn't expected that question. 'I want to be human Sid. I am finally happy. The man you saw, well that wasn't me.'

'Ya mean your 'episodes'?' Sid replied with incredulity, 'So what, you're like harmonized or something? And the two yous together, are both happy with this?'

'Yes, they, I mean_ I_ am.'

'But how? I mean, you were big! Some people enjoy their work, you fucking lived for it! Even if that's just half of you, how can you just ignore that?'

'Sid, please.'

'Nah, there are thousands of vamps out there that kill for fun, but you said it was your calling!'

'I was lying.'

Sid refused to buy it, getting more and more agitated. 'No you aint! You may've been skittish or what, but you never ended yourself did ya when you were 'im.' He moved forward in earnest. 'Hal, I was there in 1914, through that war, then right up to the 50s. Being Lord Harry was your calling, any of us can kill someone, you made it an _art-form_. We still talk about it, 1702, that whole village, that nunnery, 1855; those _twins_, that regiment in the Somme, you had vision and imagination none of us could beat. The ideas you came up with.' He shook his head in wonder at the memory.

Hal shifted. 'That's not me anymore. I'm not him.'

'You just said you were both of you. So you are him, an he's part of you, and you know you're him and…' He trailed off, his face contorted in concentration.

'Don't hurt yourself trying to work it out,' Said Hal a little harshly, 'You never were a thinker Sid.'

'Now that sounds like the old you.' Came the vampires' reply as a smile cracked on his face.

'I'm _not_ the old me,' Said Hal firmly, 'That part of my life is in the past.'

There was silence, Hal was getting anxious; he didn't want to be here, he needed Sid to go, why hadn't he just pretended he wasn't Hal? Why hadn't he just run? He couldn't deal with being faced with his whole life right in front of him, he couldn't! 'It's where it belongs.' Was it paranoia, or did that phrase seem to be getting hollow?

'But you've,' Sid looked around in confusion, 'You can't just. The _life_. You've gotta be missing it! How could you not?'

'I have the memories to remind me of what I did, and I don't miss that.'

'I'm not talking about the memories,' Sid spat, 'I mean_ it_, how can you not be going _crazy_ mental because you can no longer have the _taste of it_?'

_Blood_

'I-I don't want it.' Hal said inhaling shakily.

'Bull shit! Sorry Hal, all respect and everything, but _bull shit_! You told me _that it was the life_, it was all about savoring it, the anticipation; to experience every last second until that last spark of life filled your head and you could feel their screams warming your bones. You were fucking _tantric_ about it!'

Hal's mouth twitched.

'Look, alright, I can turn ya.' Said the vampire holding up his hands as if suggesting a compromise. 'It would be my honour, really. To bring you back. You were like Yoda to us, we need you. We're all fucked right now. There was Hetty for a bit, or so we heard, then she went. It's a fucking battle ground out there now, you've got little punks barely out of their first fashion era setting up in Mayfair giving it the 'I am'. That's why I'm here. There had to be others left. We'd heard you were around. But.' He looked bewildered at Hal, 'Look at you, you aint just in one of your 'intervals' you've…'

'I've gone Sid. There is no other way to say it. Hal the vampire is dead. And he's not coming back again to lead your or anyone's merry little band. I don't want that life, _any part _of that life is that clear?'

'I don't believe it.' Sid said shaking his head.

'Sidney,' Hal said, his eyes serious, 'Believe it.'

'You're a shark Hal! You always were. Even human, you said you lived for the thrill, even when you tried to be good you were just dressing up, you knew it, we knew it, that's why we left you alone and waited. You say them two parts of you are one now, well all I see is the fancy dress, and it's getting ragged.'

He pulled at Hal's coat collar, Hal batted his hand away; he was getting angry now. 'I just want to live in peace, I want to live a normal life with no killing, or blood or death.'

Sid shook his head. 'So now you're one with yourself? Well then why are you still trying to be _him, Mr Opt-out Abstinence_? That aint you Hal, and you know it. This aint no fairytail, you keep this up and you'll flip, like always. Because you can never sustain it, because you never want to.'

Hal was silent, his body numb, he felt his heart beat slow and strong, he was surprised it wasn't racing, why was he so calm?

'We've been sending vamps by here lookin for ya.' Sid continued, just like they were talking about the weather. Hal looked around nervously, this was taking too long, someone could see them. 'Sent one by the house but said a bunch of heart thumpers were there now… well clearly.' Hal shifted.

'Then he never made it back, so we sent more and when none came back I came and, well here you are!'

'Why were you looking for me?'

'Because you're the _last Old One_.'

'I _was_ the last, Sidney.' Hal replied his tone becoming harsh as he pronounced the vampires full name, 'As you have pointed out, I am not anymore.'

'But we need you Hal!' Sid looked desperate, Hal let a sneer encroach on his face; he'd always hated whining. 'London's a mess since Griffin left for Barry a year ago, Bristol still has no one, we were all waiting for the Old Ones to come back but now…' His arms flailed around. 'The Highlands picked a fight with Edinburgh and now both are dead, York's back at it with Lancaster and, Hal, they've got fuckin _Walter_ in London!'

'Christ,' said Hal, his brows raised. 'Not Walter.'

'Yeah! You know his relationship with the police! 1888 may be a long time ago, but they still know he's the ripper and he likes reminding them too! You shoulda heard the meeting with the Commissioner!'

'I remember, Sid, I was the one who had to clear up that political mess when he decided to branch out from painting.' Hal gave him a dark look.

'Exactly, you kept him in line, now he's fannying around talkin recruiting the whole of Scotland Yard.'

'Jesus.' _Fuck-wit Walter couldn't even imagine the logistical nightmare let alone prepare._ Hal's mind was whirring through the details. _Families to deal with, Coroner's would have to be recruited too, then every ten years move everyone around. Press embargo, fuck, all press would have to be on side, no more police interviews, digital and camera images taken before the recruitment so they could be archived if necessary, and that's just if they managed to keep the whole thing secret from everyone else- There no way an ex-painter with an inferiority complex could organize that but if he- No_ 'No.' He said shaking his head, 'I'm not getting involved anymore. I'm out of it.'

Sid blinked, his look of perplex horror slowly turning into anger. 'Why? Because you're now _human_?' His hands balled into fists and he took a step closer, Hal's eyes narrowed at his former colleague's body change, 'It's an easy thing to remedy.'

'Now, Sid' Hal said. 'Don't go getting ideas, they never were your strong suit.' Said Hal, not backing off as he reached slowing around to the stake in his belt.

'Maybe not, but this one will sure save us problems.' Sid growled. 'And once you're back, I know you'd thank me.'

'No I won't.' Hal was losing his cool; suddenly aware that he was faced by a vampire, and not a young on at that. 'I trained you remember,' Continued Hal taking a step back as Sid circled. 'You can't win.'

'No, the Old One, _Lord Harry Yorke_ trained me. And as you keep sayin, you aint him,' he looked Hal up and down, 'You're just a human.'

The vampire lunged, Hal knew it was coming, but the speed was still a shock, he barely had time to step to the side so Sid's body punch ricochet off his ribs. _So he's going for the rough recruitment then_ thought Hal wincing at the impact.

'Easy Sid,' Hal weazed hotly, 'That's no way to treat a potential is it?'

Cid grinned, 'It is mine.'

He lunged again, but Hal was ready, and he was angry. He left the stake at his back, he wasn't going to make this quick. He batted Sid away, swiveling on the spot, grabbing him by his collar and reaching down to his belt and launched him into the wall face first.

The vampire crumpled but didn't fall. He staggered, turning so his back was to the brickwork and regarded Hal wild eyed; he hadn't expected that. Hal remained calm, his jaw set. Sid blinked, his eyes black, his fangs bared. 'Please,' drawled Hal, 'Is that supposed to impress me?'

Sid pushed himself off with a snarl, aiming for a tackle; Hal kicked him hard in the face, bringing his foot down in front of the dazed vampire, using the forward momentum to deliver a cross punch to the gut, jab to the side and upper cut to the jaw, cracking it. Then he ducked under Sid's arm, brought his back leg around so he was facing Sid's back, raised his left leg and brought his boot down onto the back of the leg and then kneed the spine.

His opponent stumbled at the impact but managed to put his hands down before pushing himself back up, so Hal bent down and side swiped his feet from under him. Sid fell with a gurgled thud. 'Stay down.' He warned as the vampire edged towards the wall and pulled himself into a sitting position.

Sid stayed where he was, his shallow breath betraying his surprise. Hal turned away, checking to make sure they hadn't attracted a crowd, sure in the knowledge that Sid wouldn't dare move. He ran his finders through his hair and gingerly touched his ribs when Sid he landed his lucky shot. _Bruised, fucking waste of space couldn't even break a rib;_ he looked at Sid over his shoulder and smirked; unless his was mistaken – which he wasn't – he'd broken two ribs, crack the jaw, shattered some teeth, dislocated some vertebrae, dislodged the kneecap and caused a very satisfactory concussion.

'Wha-what you gonna do with me?' Sid gurgled as he spat out a mouthful of blood and teeth.

Hal paused, was he considering, or just letting the fear wash over his victim? Hal smiled to himself. 'I'm going to let you go Sidney.' Came Hal's response as cool and calm as ice. He turned and fixed the bloody mess that was Sid with a stare that made him squirm, _God I miss making them squirm_. 'I am going to let you go, you are going to return to London and you are going to report that you found nothing; I am not here, _nothing_ of interest is here _ever_. South Wales is now out of bounds.' He crouched down slowing so they were face to face. He reached behind him and drew out the stake, gently letting the point run up Sid's prone belly and rest just slightly off left of his chest. 'If I get one hint that you are sending people to look for me, I will not just hunt you down, I will remove every trace of you from the earth, I will hunt down all your beloved recruits like Jessie and Amy and then I will go back and kill every last member of your human descendants.' Cid's eyes widened. 'Yes, you always were a family man, and consider; with technology as it is today, tracing a family line a hundred years really isn't hard.'

There was a pause, Sid's eyes never left Hal's; his face, once filled with surprise, pleading, anger now just registered the full devastating impact of Hal's words. 'And if you think I'm bluffing Sidney,' Hal continued smoothly, 'Just remember;_ I_ am Henry _fucking_ Yorke; I may not be back, but I'm definitely not gone.'

'Yes sir.' Sidney rasped.

Hal stood up and turned away, hearing the stumbling scamper of Sid as he hobbled away in the opposite direction. Hal closed his eyes, letting out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He looked over his shoulder to where the vampire had been, a small spattering of blood slowly working it's way down the wall. Hal swallowed; transfixed by the sight. In his head all he could hear was Sid: '_You can no longer have the taste.'_

* * *

**_References:_**

**_'Hal, they've got fuckin Walter in London!'_**

**'_Christ,' said Hal under his breath. 'Not Walter.'_**

**'_Yeah! You know his relationship with the police! 1888 may be a long time ago, but they still know he's the ripper and he likes reminding them too!'_**

**Walter: Refers to the painter Walter Sickert 31 May 1860 – 22 January 1942. Who was one of the possible candidates of being Jack the Ripper of London. The Ripper was a serial murderer of prostitutes in Whitechapel London, who mutilated the bodies including face, abdomen and neck in 1888 – the newly formed London Police were heavily ridiculed and shamed for their ineptitude in not catching the killer. I read Patricia Cornwell's book Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper – Close Closed in 2002, it's a good read!**

**The warring vampire factions;**

**The York and Lancaster factions – well that's right from the Wars of the Roses that happened when two sons of King Edward III both claimed the title of king and went around kill each other to settle the matter from around 1455 to 1485. This was finally resolved when Henry Tudor (very tenuously linked to House Lancaster) killed the last Plantagenet claimant Richard III (of York) and married his daughter in 1485**


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Right, so I managed to finish and be happy with this chapter sooner than I thought! So two updates this week!**

**This is a 'stream of consciousness' chapter for each of the characters That is, thoughts as they run through their heads as they think them.**

**It isn't exactly the 'stream of consciousness' style though as it is mainly in the third person. Just so's we clear.**

**So this isn't an eloquent chapter, but I hope I've got their voices alright.**

**I own nothing, except the errors here, of which I'm sure there are many.**

* * *

'_The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..__'_

_John Milton Paradise Lost_

**ALEX**

Knocking. Loud cracking against the wood.

Alex stayed where she was, not moving a muscle from her place in the kitchen, one hand suspended over the kettle as she made herself eleven o'clock tea.

There was someone at the door. Hal and Tom were out. She was alone.

Knocking, louder, harder.

Why were they making some much _noise_? Couldn't they tell no one was _in_.

'Hello?' Said a female voice. She didn't know it. Who was it? 'Hello, I'm here to read the gas meter?'

Alex breathed, the Gas-man – or '_wo_man' Alex corrected herself – reading the meter, that was fine. She put down the spoon she'd been gripping and stepped towards the double doors.

Nothing to fear from the Gas-reader.

Or was there? She stopped. Reading the gas was a normal everyday job. But so were the police and lawyers and café workers, and they weren't all normal people were they? She edged back, keeping her hand on the half open swing doors.

The knocking started again. There was a punch of metal on wood – the letter slot. Had she been seen? Heard?

This was silly, Alex remonstrated herself. Not everyone was a vampire, Jesus, she'd gone through twenty-one years of her life not meeting a single one. They were an infinitesimal percentage of the population. 0.1% no, 0.001%. _Man up Millar._

'I just need to come in quickly.'

Yeah I bet you do. Alex thought. What better way to get an invitation into someone's home then the innocent job of reading the gas meter? No one would suspect it. Like those taxi driver murders she read about, or that Sherlock episode; no one suspected the humble anonymous cabby.

'Hello?'

_No one's in. No one will be in ever for you._

Hal would handle it. He would take charge in his calm, old British, no nonsense way. He would look at her with those eyes and say 'Stop being ridiculous Alex.' And he would go answer the door. Why did she find the thought of a condescending Hal so comforting? Or was it just the thought of someone else here, a 'wing man'. She'd never needed them before, Christ was she turning into one of those pathetic girls who couldn't do anything unless their boyfriend said they could? No, definitely not, she'd told Hal to screw off last time he'd suggested taking the rubbish out, what did his last slave die of. She grimaced; thinking about it, probably not the best choice of words around Hal.

There was a pause, had they left? Alex hadn't heard the footsteps down the stone steps yet. Were they waiting? To see if she was there? To pounce?

0.001%... one in every one thousand people. Alex had met more that a thousand people, think about it; school, home, nights out, shopping trips, holidays. How many had been vampires, watching her, eyeing up a meal. How many times has she been this close to being killed?

Another clang of metal as something came through the door, then the crushed of gravel under shoes receding away.

Alex waited, just to make sure. Could she hear anything? Nothing? But wait, was that? No, nothing.

Slowly, ever so quietly Alex backed away letting the swing door silently close. Then she pursed her lips and as gently as she could let out her breath, one second, two seconds, she let her breath go out for ten whole seconds.

How long had she been holding it? How long had she been standing there?

It was over, there was nothing to fear.

_Crack._

Alex gasped and whirred around bumping into the bar reaching behind her for something, knocking over the mug. _Smash._

Shit. Alex spun around at the noise of the china hitting the floor, Shit, shit SHIT.

Her hands were to her head, she was crying, her feet caught under her, she collapsed into the corner of the units. She was sobbing, as quietly as she could, one hand over her mouth to muffle any sound, she was breathing hard, she was hyperventilating, she couldn't move, she was going to die.

Above her the kettle light went off, it's automated switch now in the off position.

* * *

**TOM**

Tom was humming to himself as he worked in the basement. The radio buzzed in his headphones. It was a good song, fun and catchy. The lady singing was clearly having a good time – he tried not to think about what this lady looked like in the music videos. He'd seen one once, flicking through the channels. Tom frowned as he remembered the gyrating almost naked female form. They had mothers, and how could their father's let them do that, showing everything to millions. Was humming along to this right, or was it 'perpetuating the degrading behaviour that had become the disappointingly acceptable way for women to behave nower days' - thank you Hal.

Tom suddenly saw McNair's frowning face.

Tom stopped working. It was just talking now, that was fine. Perhaps they would play some Coldplay. He liked Coldplay, they sung songs about fixing people and colours and paradise.

He looked down as the plank he'd been sawing, giving it one more push and pull as the end plonked off. It was the right size now he decided for the frame. Leaning down, Tom picked up the discarded scrap of wood that had just been sawed off. And that would be a good stake size too, he thought with satisfaction. His thumb went to one end, after some whittling that is.

He could do that tonight. Wait until nine o'clock as Hal had said, then stretch and say he was going to sleep, just like Hal had said. And shut his door, turn down the lights and bring out his whittling knife.

That's when he was most happy.

And it was all thanks to Hal.

He hadn't been sure at first, going back to his old life didn't feel like a step forward now he was human, but this new life was about being happy, and he was happy; he was enjoying himself. And it weren't all about hunting was it?

Like now, this was normal non vampire related; humming along to tunes as he hammered, even if Hal would shout at him for the noise, all he had to do was say 'Aright mate, sorry' and then he could get back to it.

He was even going out on his own now, Hal said he didn't need him anymore.

Hal was going out himself, they would leave together then Tom would head one way, Hal the other. He wondered what Hal got up to. Hal never spoke about it, but Hal always needed prodding about everything, even before. Only problem was he was a bit more prickly about it.

Alex kept prodding Hal about where they went, Tom'd seen Hal get angry at that and didn't want to rock the boat by adding to it. Hal was fine, he was a little away-with-the-fairies at times, but thinking was better than killing so there was nowt to complain about. And Hal was solid. He hadn't told Alex anything, and he made sure that Tom wasn't left alone with Alex, he knew his poker face was no good, Hal was helping him.

_Alex._

Tom paused again.

He did feel guilty about keeping her in the dark. But she had been so firm on no supernatural nonsense from the beginning, and she was getting worse. There had been a calling card from the gas people the other day, but Alex had been in, even up in the attic – as she said she was – you could hear the door. He'd found a smashed mug in the overflowing kitchen bin, come to think of it; Alex didn't empty the rubbish anymore.

He'd have to mention it to Hal. Hal would know what to do. He always did.

Tom turned up the volume as another tune came one and picked up his hammer, back to work!

* * *

**HAL**

'_You were tantric about it.'_

Hal couldn't stop thinking about his run-in with the vampire Sid. The conversation had gone deeper and more disturbing than he'd intended. And it wasn't just what Sid had said.

_'Just remember; I am Henry fucking Yorke; I may not be back, but I'm definitely not gone.'_

He walked around the house like a ghost. He was a ghost. Alex was asking questions again – was everything okay, where's your head at, hello?

Smile.

What did she want him to say? Sorry Alex, yes I'm fine thanks just tired, work is busy.

Always smile.

Work was busy, but it wasn't busy enough. There were jobs to do in the house, but never enough, and none he could concentrate on. At least Tom was enjoying himself doing whatever banging and infernal din he was doing in the basement. Had he told Hal what he was doing? He couldn't think over the noise, couldn't hear his own thoughts, but that was good wasn't it?

'_it was all about savoring it, the anticipation; to experience every last second until that last spark of life filled your head and you could feel their screams warming your bones.'_

Warm his bones like swallowing searing lava, warming from the outside in. He looked down at a coffee he had made, had he made it. He looked over, Alex was holding one as well, maybe she made it. He took a sip. He felt the vague heat in his throat, nothing more; no tremors of ecstasy, no inside out.

She was talking again asking questions; what did he and Tom get up to. He snapped, what does it matter, we're fine. He regretted that later, she had looked to innocent when she asked, and so hurt when he'd replied. He sighed, he would cook dinner to make up for it.

'_This aint no fairytale, you keep this up and you'll flip, like always. Because you can never sustain it, because you don't want to.'_

Maybe he was flipping. All he knew was when he was all calm and smiling and happy, he didn't feel it. The dressing up clothes were getting ragged, he felt ragged. He must have drifted off again, the potatoes were over-boiling, he'd reached out and burnt his hand. For Fuck's Sake! He looked at his hand, at the darkening red skin and stinging pain. No Tom, everything was fine. Yes Alex, help is very much appreciated, what a clot I am haha.

Smile.

He took another look at his hand; another week or more of healing, another disfigurement.

The food was hollow in his mouth. He could taste more now he thought, or was he just telling himself that as some sort of consolation. He swallowed some chicken, the dry fibres moving down his throat, then a small sip of wine, weak and thin…

'_how can you not be going crazy mental because you can no longer have the taste?'_

How indeed? They were talking at him again, what had they been saying?

Smile.

* * *

**_References_**

**_Stream of consciousness:_**

**This is a type of literary writing that was popular in the 1890-1920s. I have had the fortune to read some books in this style. Personally not a big fan, but as a style, it is interesting.**

**If you really want to know more, see examples in Virginia Woolf's Mrs Dalloway (1925) or if you really want to punish yourself James Joyce Ulysses(1922) .**

**a narrative mode that seeks to portray an individual's point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character's thought processes, (thank you Wikipedia)**

**Wikipedia's explanation in full can be found here which I think is a good place to start: wiki/Stream_of_consciousness_(narrative_mode)**

**'_The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..__'_**

**John Milton: Paradise Lost**


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Hello Again.**

**So a week off, and I hope everyone had a lovely Bank Holiday in the gorgeous Weather we had here in the UK!**

**Not long to go now, just a couple more chapters.**

**I own nothing. I own a pen. Now where did I put it...**

**Please review! There is still time for me to change my ending...**

* * *

'Tom, canna talk to you?' Alex was tentative as she knocked on the bedroom door of the former werewolf.

As she peered her head around the corner she half gasped. The room was a mess, his bed was unmade and unrecognizable, covered in paper, dirty clothes and food – Alex guessed Tom couldn't have slept there in days. All of Tom's little 'motivation pictures' were hanging loose or completely torn off the wall, littering the now unsee-able carpet. Every wall had small dents and scrapes where it looked like Tom had been banging something hard and repeatedly against it.

She took a small step in, every drawer of the small chest was pulled out, some hanging onto the floor, their contents strewn amongst everything else. It looked like a wild animal had gotten into a frenzy.

It had been a while since she had been in Tom's room, but he had always kept it relatively tidy, hadn't he?

'What the fuck?' mouthed Alex to herself as she saw in the far corner, next to the bed beside the window was what she could only describe as a nest of blanket, cushion and stakes… Alex blinked, _stakes?_ And was it her imagination, or did they look freshly carved? She moved closer, yes, there was the knife Tom must have used, and there were the shavings. Now that she noticed them, there were wood shavings everywhere, and crosses and lots of _freshly carved stakes_.

She bent down to look at a darker one, oh god was that… was that dried blood? There was no mistaking that deep dark reddish brown. That stake had been used, _recently_.

_Run away_

Alex realized she shouldn't be here; she didn't want to see this. She took a breath and retreated out of the room. Half stumbling over the refuse that cluttered her escape route. She was sure she would pull the door off it's hinges in her effort to shut it.

She half ran, half fell down the stairs to the phone on the reception desk, urgently punching the number she had memorized and waited impatiently to hear the click of the connection.

There was a ring tone. Once, twice, three times. Alex was tapping the counter with her free hand, 'C'mon, pick up. Pick up, _pick up_.' She muttered.

Finally a rather harassed 'Hello?' answered.

'Hal?' she said.

'Yes Alex, what is it? I'm at work?' He sounded so hostile. He sounded so hostile and aggressive all the time now she thought.

'I-I need to talk to you.' She breathed.

'Can't it wait?' he responded. She heard a female mumble on the other end. 'Then put them in room 15 and call David.' Hal responded. 'Look Alex I'm very busy here we're hosting the South Wales druid convention with weekend, can this wait until I'm home tonight?'

Alex looked around. Tom would be around then too. He was supposed to be here now, he could be back any second and she needed to tell Hal what she'd seen so they had enough time to think of a plan.

'No Hal it's can't. It's Tom.'

'What now?' Hal signed exasperated as another voice, this time male started asking him something. Alex hesitated, he really did sound busy, but no, this couldn't wait, this was Tom. 'No they can't. Tell them the imagery is fine but we can't have any oak leaves brought into the hotel I don't care how ceremonially accurate they are.' A pause. 'Because they're _poisonous_, and we have young children walking around.' There was a faint crash on the other side of the line. 'Oh for God's _sake_!' roared Hal, 'Alex I really have to go, someone is about to get _murdered_ here.'

'Hal!' Alex almost shouted.

'Not literally Alex.' He shot back wearily.

'No Hal, I need to talk to you. I think-'

'Alex not _now_ okay, I don't have the time or patience to pander to your paranoia complex right now.'

'Hal!' Alex protested, stung by his harsh words.

'Alex, I really can't deal with this-'

'I think Tom's hunting vampires again!'

There was a pause.

Alex half thought Hal had hung up.

'I'll be over in ten minutes.' Hal said and hung up.

Alex put the phone down slowly. That was quite a turnaround for Hal to drop everything, taking what she said with the seriousness it needed. Was that a good thing? Was he finally paying attention and realizing just how far off the reservation Tom was now?

Alex looked at the phone, a frown on her face. Okay, so Hal could hardly discuss those things at work – especially with the Harry Potter convention shacking up at the hotel or something. But his fast change from 'there's nothing' to 'I'll be over' was a bit quick. Wasn't it?

She should be happy, Alex thought to herself, he was doing what she wanted, taking her concerns seriously. Or was he?

It was Hal that Tom had been spending time with, surely he would have picked up on something before now. Which would mean he would take what she said seriously, but he hadn't at first. So why hadn't he?

She stared at the front door, he had said ten minutes; the walk from the hotel was fifteen at best. Would she have time?

* * *

Cautiously, Alex went up the stairs again, and let herself into Hal's room. Letting the door stutter to a stop before it hit the wall. It was quiet, the low late afternoon sun was shining through the curtains into Hal's perfectly made bed. It had been theirs for a while, then he had suggested they move a double into hers. His reasoning that her room was bigger and his wouldn't accommodate one had made sense at the time, but looking around she noticed the on the wallpaper the sun-bleached shape of a double bed headboard. So a larger bed had been here once, she frowned.

Warily, Alex stepped into Hal's room; everything was in its' place, although in a more relaxed way; the covers made, but there were creases where he had sat on the bed. A towel he used to wash his face was casually thrown over the rail rather than folded, a half read book was open and at an angle on the sofa, the wardrobe door was ajar.

She wandered over to it, wanting to shut it; She knew that it was Hal that had forgotten to close it, but she felt that he would have wanted it closed. She put her hand on the wood and paused, bringing her thumb to hook around the side and instead of pushing; pulled gently to widen the gap.

On the door were ties, lined up on hangers were his recognizable items, some spare work clothes, jacket, that hideous green suit, shirts, trousers. Below them were neatly lined up shoes; shiny black, suede brown, leather loafers. She frowned again, her eyes picking up on something out of place. There was a plastic bin liner in the corner, thrown to the back behind the shoes.

An all too familiar knot of foreboding and panic waved over her. A thousand TV and movie storylines came into her head – hidden packages were never a good thing. She hesitated.

This was private. She shouldn't be looking in here. She had crouched down, she suddenly saw herself stand up and close the door, leaving the room and not thinking about it. _Run away._

But Alex Millar never ran away. Never _used_ to anyway. So where had that voice come from, and why had she felt like she had been obeying it ever since they had defeated the Devil?

She swallowed, she didn't want to do this, she didn't want to be here, but part of her knew she had to look now. To not look would be admitting to herself that she was scared. And she had felt far too scared for far too long.

She reached in, and lifted it up. It was light, but it was full of something. She scooted back a bit so that she could put it down on the floor in front of here. The bag sagged. _So it's not a severed head then,_ she thought with a nervous smile, ignoring the part of her that didn't see that as a ridiculous notion.

Cautiously she opened it, undoing the double knot with slow deliberate fingers. _Run away._ She wrapped her hands around the sides and slowly, _Run away_, opened the bag.

She paused, her breath held. What was she looking at? Her eyebrows knotted, her mouth formed a nonexistent question.

They were clothes.

_Clothes_. A long-sleeved grey t-shirt and black trousers as far as she could tell.

'What the hell?' she said, leaning back on her heels. She'd been holding her breath. 'Seriously, what the _Hell_!?'

Why would Hal hide these? She lifted one out, his familiar if musty sent coming off it in a pleasing waft. She looked at it, well it wasn't crusted with blood, and it looked just like his other buttoned tops so why was it and the trousers in the 'do-not-disturb-bag'?

She lifted it up carefully. _Nothing._

Alex sneezed, some disturbed dust stinging her nose. She coughed, grit stuck in her throat.

Dust? Grit? In this room? Alex froze, she looked closer at the shirt, unmoving for a second, daring herself. She lifted it up and gave it one hard shake, particles flew everywhere in a cloud that seemed to shimmer in the sunset.

Her voice caught in her throat, a stifled sob escaped into the empty room.

It wasn't dust; it was ash.

* * *

Dun Dun Daaah!

Oh no! Alex is not gonna be a happy bunny!

So yeah, now that all madness has ceased, I should be able to update in a few days.

Until then my friends, adeu.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Hello Again.**

**so, here we go, Alex has finally woken up to the truth. The trinity have their showdown.**

**I own nothing. reveiws are love. Thanks so much if you are still reading!**

**Thanks for pointing out my errors, hopefully there are less now (I went through and hopefully removed the ones in the last two chapters, thanks Saba's Reflection!**

* * *

It hadn't been ten minutes, By the time Hal had phoned Tom and got him to meet on the way home, Alex had had plenty of time to process the discovery in Hal's room of the ash covered clothes. She had also found a stake, and more ominously, the hand knife he had used on Tom in the pub when he had been Evil Vampire Hal.

He had promised her he had got rid of the thing. _Another lie._

Her blood was boiling but her insides were ice cold. For the first time in months, Alex felt awake and alive, she had snapped back into life and was thoroughly God Damned pissed! She had confronted her scared self in that wardrobe, and the idea that she had been clinging to a man that had not only lied to her, but consistently lied to her and given her new fire. This had gone on too long. She wasn't going to let them get away with this anymore.

From the second she heard them coming up the steps she ran to the door and flung it open, eyes blazing, teeth set. 'Get in here.' She snarled.

Tom and Hal and exchanged looks before slowly following her in.

'I shoulda known you'd call him. Come up with another convincing cover story have ya? What are you an Tom planning on building a rockery fence in the front?'

'Alex I think-' started Hal, hands up in placation.

'Don't!' she said whirling on him finger pointing. 'Don't either of you _dare_ lie to me anymore!' she said, breath coming out fast and deep as her eyes blazed. 'How long?' She said. 'How long have you two been _bullshitting_ me?'

'Alex, we weren't-' Hal started.

'Don't you fucking _dare_!' she screeched. 'I found yer knife, and stake, and your ash covered clothes. You gonna tell me you're a really sloppy secret smoker are you?'

Hal stopped and closed his mouth, his demeanor changed from placating, to neutral_, He doesn't even look like he feels guilty_, Alex thought as Hal raised his chin subtly.

By comparison, Tom dropped his. 'We thought it best not to tell ya.' He mumbled.

Hal shot him a look.

'_Best_?' she said incredulously. 'Best for who? Best for the two of you, not me! I've been going out of my _mind_ because I knew someone was wrong, because there was something rotten underneath all this, and now I bloody know why!' She shook her head. 'Don't you understand we can't be involved in that world any more. It'll kill us.'

'It's alright,' said Tom encouragingly. 'We've bin doing it for weeks, killed loadsa vampires, we know what we're doin,'

'Tom,' Hal warned looking between the two.

'_Loads_?' shrieked Alex, Tom's face dropped as he realized he'd said the wrong thing. 'How many is loads?'

'I dunno-' Tom looked at Hal who shook his head. 'Like more en fifteen… mebe… more?' He trailed off

'Tom. _Shut. Up_.' Hal glared.

'_Fifteen_? An this's been going on for _weeks_?' Alex looked between the two before her eyes rested on the stony faced Hal. 'How could you?' she said, her eyes stinging with tears. '_How could you lie to me._'

'Technically we didn't lie.' Hal began calmly.

'Oh!' Alex threw up her hands and walked away from them. '_Technically_? You're really going for technicality here? Why don't you throw in 'Tangentially involved' while you're at it!'

She looked at Hal, shaking her head, then let her hands on her head drop. 'You know, I don't know why I'm so surprised about you, all you ever do is lie to save your skin.' She looked at Tom, 'But _you_? What words did he pour inta ya ear so you would go along with this, for _weeks_?'

Tom shuffled his feet. He didn't want to say anything else.

Hal looked at his friend the turned to Alex. She was shaking, she was desperately upset and he wished he could make it better for her, he wanted to comfort her, he cared for her, but was he in love with her? He wasn't sure. The realization of that hit him hard at that moment. He knew he should be sorry, acting like Tom was now, but confrontation always brought out the worst in him, and it wasn't in his nature to back down.

'Because I told him you couldn't handle it.' He said firmly.

'Bullshit!' Alex cried. 'What _utter_ bullshit! And you bought that?' she rounded on Tom. 'I always thought you were naive Tom, but really you must just be a fuckin brain-dead mor-'

'Hey!' Hal said stepping forward and holding a hand up.

Alex didn't stop though, her eyes narrowed at the soft target that was a cowering Tom 'You're not his friend you know that, you're his fucking _pet_. You're so pathetic and desperate you'd do anything so long as he'd let you follow him around like a puppy.' She sneered, 'A dog and his psychopath master, not much difference from before there. Still acting like a fucking child.'

'_Alex_!' Hal roared stepping forward, Alex flinched. 'Alex that is _enough_!' He turned to Tom who was looking like someone had just shot his entire family in front of him. 'Tom,' he said in a rather unnervingly calm and measured voice. 'Why don't you go upstairs for a while?' Tom looked at him.

'Yeah Tom go! If Hal tell ya to do somthin you gotta do it.' shouted Alex as Tom backed away. 'Leave the adults to talk, because you're clearly not capable of thinking for yourself!'

Hal kept his eye contact with Tom who looked back at him. In that one look Hal wanted to put across all his feelings, that Tom wasn't his lapdog, that he hadn't lead in astray for his own ends, but now wasn't the time; 'Please.'

Tom nodded slowly, every inch of him looked wretched and broken, but he went.

Hal waited until he heard Tom's door close before rounding to Alex. 'How _dare_ you do that to Tom!' he said, fury and rage threatening to take over. 'You have _no idea _what it's like for him right now, how delicate he is.'

'How _delicate_ he is?' Alex rounded. 'He's punching holes in the fucking brickwork! He's taking on blood sucking vampires for _fun_! How delicate can he be?'

'He's not doing it for _fun_ Alex.' Hal retorted. 'He's doing it because it's the only thing keeping him _sane_.'

'Well it's clearly not working is it!' Alex shouted back. 'Because he's turned his room into a _rabid kennel_ that even my _brothers_ would catch teninus in. It's like he's squatting in his own room! He's sleeping in a corner surrounded by knives and stakes and, and.'

'And the things that he knows Alex.' Cut in Hal. 'You _have_ to remember; Tom's whole identity was werewolf. He'd lived, breathed and been raised as one his _entire_ life. His world has quite literally been shattered. He has _nothing_ to fall back – no family to go back to like you, or memories like me, just a dream which – let's be honest, none of us imagined would happen, _let alone_ prepared for.'

'He has us, or at least I thought he did.' Said Alex urgently, 'Jesus Hal, all this bullshit about him needing stability, he's turned into a _fucking_ animal, and you're letting him! He isn't alone, everything didn't fall apart, we're all here now. I thought between us we could do it, but you've just gone ahead and poured petrol on the flaming pile of shite that's Tom's mind. He coulda fallen back on us, I thought we were showing him that violence isn't the human way of living, you of all people should know that, you were fifty years without hurting a fly because you _knew_ that it wouldn't help anything! But no, you just took him along on your benders, you had to drag him down to your level, just because you can't adjust after five hundred years of being a lying homicidal arsehole! You wanted someone along fer the ride and decided the poor simple minded Tom would do.'

Hal looked at her; a deep, grave and knowing look, he clenched his jaw slowly. One_, two, three, four, five_… _No, not this time._ He looked up at her. _Time to stop indulging. '_I don't think any of us are in a position to be relied upon for stability do you?' He said calmly.

'What's that supposed to mean?' She said, a hot flash of anger coming over her – how dare he flip this on her.

'People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones Alex.'

Alex opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out.

'How long has it been since you went outside Alex?' He asked raising his chin and staring at her straight in the eye. 'When did you last speak to anyone other than Tom or me?' Hal took a slow step forward, 'When did you last talk to your _family_?'

'I spoke to them a few days ago.' She said weakly.

'No Alex, you didn't. You left a message when you knew they would be out. And you used the house phone because you have destroyed your mobile.' He stepped closer still. 'And from what I can tell, you haven't left the house or spoken to another living soul in four and a half months.'

Alex shook, her eyes darted around as her face went ice-cold and stomach dropped. Hal was right in front of her, his warm breath on her face. 'It's not like that.' She said feebly.

'If I didn't know any better,' Hal continued, a small voice in his head said he'd gone far enough, but she'd touch a nerve, so he would crush hers. 'I'd think you were more of a ghost now then ever. You might as well be dead to your family. The only people who even know you're alive are Tom and me, and both of us have our own live now that hardly involve you. We could quite easily live without you, but I doubt you could do the same. Who really is the pathetic one Alex; Tom, or someone who can't even walk outside their own front door?'

Alex backed away. She couldn't believe he was saying these things. 'Stop it Hal.' She mumbled. She wished she could rent-a-ghost away, or push him against the wall and run away, but where to? As if reading her mind, Hal stepped closer 'Want to run and hide little Alex? There's nowhere you can run to is there?' Did he mean from him? From the monsters out there? Or from her own head? She didn't know, he didn't say. She couldn't meet his eyes, instead she whispered in a voice no louder than a breath 'Please, that's enough Hal.' It was a plea, a heart wrenching plea.

There was a pause.

'I'm sorry,' Hal said, genuine regret in his sad eyes behind the gritted teeth. 'But it's time you started facing up to your own problems not distracting yourself with ours.'

Alex's eyes were filling with tears, she wanted to collapse into a heap, she wanted to leave and find somewhere quiet and dark and safe.

Hal took her face gently in his hands and tilter her head up to his. 'We are all finding it troubling, Alex. We have to do it in our own way. Tom needs to channel his anger until he can manage it, you have to get over this crippling fear of dying again.'

'What about you?' she said, tears finally spilling down her face, she wrapped her hands over his squeezing hard. 'You say we all have problems, what about yours?'

'This isn't about mine.' Hal said, his eyes dark, his tone soft as he caressed her face. 'Not this evening.'

Hal leant forward, And Alex submitted to his kiss; light at first and then harder. It was the first contact they had had in over a week.

* * *

**Okay, only the ending to go now chaps.**

**And a min epilogue. See ya soon.**


	17. Chapter Seventeen Ending 1

**And now comes the finish to a story that has kept me from going mad. This is the end. Or at least, one end.**

**I own nothing. **

**Next one to follow in an hour or so. Both should be read together I think.**

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Chapter 17 Ending 1

That night Alex and Hal lay in her bed together. Sometime around three in the morning, Hal signed, kissed Alex's sleeping head and whispered. 'I think I should go sleep in my own room. We need rest; tomorrow is going to be a long, hard day.'

Alex had nodded. As Hal went to leave Alex called out 'Hal?'

He turned around, 'We're going to get through this right?' She asked.

Hal smiled in the half light of the outside street lamp. 'We all have a path, now at least, we can start to find it.'

* * *

**Alex.**

Alex crept downstairs with her suitcase at 5.30am. She made sure to close her bedroom door quietly and avoid the creaky step third from the bottom.

It was early, but she wanted to get away before anyone else woke. She had slept little, and whenever she closed her eyes all she could think about was that first morning, right before they had watched the Antiques Roadshow, when Hal had asked her about moving to Scotland.

'_Before I died, the plan was to live. To leave home, to see the world. So going back there now would like be wasting this second chance. But would staying here be any better, I don't know.'_

Now she did. She stood by the reception bar and slowly drew the pad that lived by the phone towards her, perched on one of the stools and started writing.

_Sorry to do this to you guys, but I've decided to go back to Scotland for a bit before I lose my nerve. _

_I'm not sure about yo, but I didn't get much sleep last night._

_I realized that I've been too afraid of what was out there to actually live, and I'm stuffed if I'm gonna let my (2__nd__) life be that way! I need to start dealing with my issues. I can only do that in an environment that I was last human in – with my father and my brothers. When I'm there I will remember what it's like, become myself again. And then I'll come back._

_Tom, I'm sorry I yelled at you, I really didn't mean all the shit I said. You are one of the most extraordinary and courageous people I know. I'll make it up when I get back and we will all have a pint at the local – I promise!_

_Don't worry, and don't go getting another housemate, I'll be back. _

_I'll give ya a call when I arrive._

Alex re-read it and nodded. She had said everything she needed to and she knew once the boys read it, they would understand.

Was she abandoning them? Probably, but she needed to do this. And stepping out the house and away from the place she had only ever known as a ghost was the first step she needed to complete. Alone.

And she would call this evening. There was no way she wouldn't. As she opened the front door, she paused, looking out into the early morning. She felt her heart beat faster as the oppressive openness closed in. No, she could do this. she'd faced death, she's faced the Devil for Christ's sake.

'Come on Sunshine,' she said aloud to herself, 'No more cocking about, let's do this.' She slung her bag over her shoulder and closed the door behind her.

She didn't know that when she wrote the note and turned the key in the door, she was the last to leave Honolulu Heights.

* * *

**Tom**

Tom had heard everything. He had gone up to his room, just like Hal had asked but then faltered, Alex's words ringing in his ears:

_'If Hal tells ya to do somthin you gotta do it. Leave the adults to talk, because you're clearly not capable of thinking for yourself!'_

He had done what Hal asked, all this time. He had done it because it made sense, hadn't he? What had Alex said? _'A dog and his master'._

At the last minute his hand poised on the bedroom door handle, Tom stopped, shutting his bedroom door noisily so they'd think he was inside and stayed in the hall. Silently he had crept down to the top step, sat down and hunched over himself in an effort to hear.

'_He's turned into a fucking animal, and you're letting him_!'

Tom waited, listening to what was said. Then their voices lowered, but Tom remained where he was. _'Tom's whole identity was werewolf. He's lived, breathed and been raised as one his entire life.'_

The words reverberated in his head. His_ entire life. _Tom sneaked back into his room and looked at it. '_he's turned his room into a rabid kennel that even my brothers would catch tetanus in. It's like he's squatting in his own room'_ he looked at the walls '_He's punching holes in the fucking brickwork!_'

Tom's brows knotted together as a familiar well of anguish swirled up into his head. '_He's turned into a fucking animal._'

Tom weaved his way over to the only reflective surface still intact – that of the small TV screen in the corner of the room. He looked at himself, all bloated around the middle with huge gorilla arms and thin faced because of the glass's distortion.

He frowned, was this what he looked like, inside? He knew vampires souls belonged to the devil when they were turned, did the same happen to werewolves'? And now that he and Hal were human, what state were they in; were they wiped clean, or was the name of ownership just changed? Was Hal's still covered in the centuries of evil his monster and committed; was it battered and bruised and twisted like this? Was his?

But Hal was better than him. Hal had taken him out that first night, but he hadn't got involved. He's stepped back and gradually not even come along when Tom hunted. Hal had gone from taking on three men at a time to nothing – so far as Tom could make out. Hal was adjusting, he wasn't.

He heard as Hal and Alex went past his door. Bumping into walls in their rush to be close again. They had each other. Hal had been looking after him, and ignored the problems that Alex had gone through. He'd heard that too.

'_When did you last speak to anyone outside of Tom or me? When did you last talk to your family?'_ Hal had noticed everything. He'd focused on Tom while Alex spiraled; trying to fix him first.

But it hadn't worked had it? Tom turned away from the TV and looked around him. He was a wild animal with a soul that had been raised by wolves. He was distracting Hal from helping Alex, the one out of all of them that needed a normal life, that deserved it so much more because she never was a monster.

He was in the way.

Tom didn't need much. He didn't really have much that he wanted to bring with him. He took the money that was McNair's headstone fund – he would understand; he'd said he could never go back to his old life.. He had been a surveyor but he'd understood that once a wolf, a normal life was impossible.

He sniffed, his eyes prickling and nose starting to run as he closed his door. He waited on the landing, but all was quiet in Hal and Alex's room. He looked at his wrist watch, 12.07pm. He would leave and they would never find him. And they would be sad, but then hopefully realize why, adjust and move on. Hal could start to fix Alex, and they would be happy.

He thought about leaving a note, but he knew they would understand. And he had no idea what to say in it. 'Have a good life?' He knew they would, so what was the point in saying it?

He slung his canvas bag over his shoulder, went down the stairs, around to the kitchen so he could pick up some supplies, then he opened the back door, took one look inside and close the door to Honolulu Heights.

* * *

**Hal**

Hal had lied to them. He had lied to everyone just like he always did – As he always would. As he lay awake with Alex nestled in the crook of his arm he blinked into the darkness. They had all been trying to hide their problems from each other, and themselves; well, with the exception of Tom.

Alex may not agree, but Hal knew that Tom was on his path. He had to fall back on what he knew, indulge his past like a fever and it would break. _Or not,_ Hal contemplated, Tom could live a life as a hunter, it was the type of simple existence where Tom would never have trouble trying to fit in. There were human vampire hunters out there, or there had been; he'd killed quite a few himself in the past, _and nailed their families to the wall._

Hal's head twitched. Why did his thoughts always go that one step further than he intended? He used to be able to stop it when he was 'Good' him. Now they crept up and stayed hovering above him. It had been words first, vague musings.

But now, he was feeling…

He shouldn't have gone outside that club that first night when he went hunting with Tom. It had woken in him the one thing he had hoped, prayed and pleaded wasn't the reason he was having such trouble with his new life.

He had held out to begin with, but like his past cycles, the tide was coming in and he couldn't fight it; he went back to the club – on his own this time. He had found another vampire – another young one more interested in the kill then being discreet. Had he started questioning why there were so many around at that point? Had he cared?

Then he had just watched as the vampire had wooed, attacked, drunk and left. Hal had said that he would intervene, once they were outside, once he had her pinned, just after he'd broken the skin…

Then it was too late.

Why had he not stopped it?

Then Sid had arrived, explaining the sudden influx of young vampires to such a small town, but more than that: putting into words what Hal had tried to shut out. _He would never escape it._

Another week of Hell, trapped in his own bewildered head. And then…

Hal had waited in the shadows as the vampire had brought his victim out and Hal had watched. He watched as the vampire had ferociously and mercilessly drained the girl dry, her body crumpling to the ground. He had watched with held breath as the vampire had stopped, leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of pure ecstasy.

Hal had gasped then. He remembered that sigh. He remembered the feeling of that warm, pulse that slid down the throat like syrup, spreading out from the neck and chest to the very ends of his fingers and hair.

His heart was in his ears, he half thought this vampire would hear him but the thrill of a fresh kill had consumed all his senses as he triumphantly strolled away.

Hal had waited there, his eyes wet with tears, his body shaking. He was crouching on the ground, he hadn't even remembered when his legs had given way. He pushed himself up off the wall and took a slow faltering step to where the dead girl lay.

He stood over her for a second. He inhaled deeply – nothing, no remnants of the elixir. Maybe a little copper. He knelt down, there was a small pool of discarded blood next to her. His breathed fast through his nose as he reached out his fingers to dip into the cold liquid.

He looked at it, pressing it between his fingers, his head numb as it tried to form thoughts. Before he knew what he was doing, he opened his mouth, just to taste it; to see if he could still taste what it used to be like.

His eyes snapped open as he felt the metallic sickening sludge touch his tongue, what was he doing? He'd fallen over, coughing, spitting, retching, what had he just _done_?

Hal scrambled away, run down into another street and wretched leaning against a wall.

He'd run home that night, locked his bedroom, wildly moving around the small room – he was going mad; he was insane! He halted in front of his wall mirror – a 'welcome to humanity' present from Alex and Tom when they were in the first flush of exaltation at their new states. – He looked at himself, at the red circles under his eyes, the pale sickly sheen to his skin and sweat soaked hair.

He had looked into his eyes and seen the one thing he had been running from since that first day when his heart started beating again. – he _missed_ it, but it was more than that, he _craved _it with every last fiber of his being.

Hal got up from his place next to Alex and promised that all would stop hiding from their problems in the morning. Alex had asked if it was all going to be alright. He couldn't bring his last words to her to be a lie, so he had simply said that they would each find their path. That had made her happy, she had smiled a reassured smile he would cherish.

Back in his room he had changed into trousers, a black t-shirt and combed his hair.

They would knock on his door in the morning to find out where he was, they would find these, and they will not come after him. He smiled sadly but his hand was steady. When he was done, he folded letter and placed his keys on the neatly made bed.

_Dearest Alex and Tom,_

_I am sorry._

_I never deserved this second chance. I am irredeemable and always have been._

_When I was your Hal, I shunned the draw it had on me, but I always knew I would have it again. Now knowing I will never experience what ruled my life for so long, I find myself plunged into deep despair. _

_My heart may beat faster, but it has always beat for one thing alone._

_I am a man who cannot escape his past, so I have gone to find my future._

_Please remember me as your Hal, I beg you. But do not look for me. _

_I loved you both so dearly and I am so sorry._

'_Freely they stood who stood, and fell who fell'._

_H._

* * *

**This is one ending. The one that says all books don't have a happy ending, and life often ends badly. If things look like they are going wrong, unless something miraculous happens, it will end that way.**

**This is how I imagined my story ending. I started with the beginning chapter and this end one.**

**But, then I thought, why don't our heroes deserved a happy ending? In this chapter they went one way, splintering apart. But what if there was another one where they didn't?**

**So I wrote another one. One that I hope you will read next and decide for yourself. Where they made different choices…**

Reference:

_Freely they stood who stood, and fell who fell._

_John Milton Paradise Lost_


	18. Chapter Seventeen Ending 2

**Here is ending number 2.**

**Happy endings don't come to everyone, there is no pattern. Some get a happy ending who don't deserve it, others that do, some work hard to get their reward, others it falls in their lap, and sometimes, only sometimes, happiness comes to those who just need it.**

**I own nothing. But am so grateful that I have been able to play with these characters for a little longer.**

* * *

Chapter 17 Ending 2

'_This horror will grow mild, this darkness light.'_

John Milton, Paradise Lost

_That night Alex and Hal lay in Alex's bed together. Sometime around three in the morning, Hal signed, kissed Alex's sleeping head and whispered. 'I think I should go sleep in my own room. Tomorrow, we will start facing our issues, in the open.'_

_Alex had nodded. As Hal went to leave Alex called out 'Hal?'_

_He turned around, 'We're going to get through this?' She asked._

_Hal smiled in the half light of the outside street lamp. 'We all have a path, now at least, we can start to find it.'_

_Tom had gone straight to his room like Hal had asked, he hadn't stayed to listen on the stairs. _

_Hal had left Alex's room, sat on his bed and stayed there the whole night. _

_Alex had slept._

* * *

Alex woke to a bright and clear morning, the sun streaming into her room. She had woken to a light knock on her door. As she turned, the covers up around her neck Hal slowly moved into the room a gently if apprehensive smile on his face.

'Good morning' he said as he came to sit gingerly on the bed. Alex smiled, pulling herself up and leaning forward she kissed him on the lips. As she withdrew she looked at his face and frowned.

'It don't look that good for you.'

Hal smiled again and raised his eyebrows in defeat, 'I didn't exactly have a calm night.' He said.

'I know I was there.' Grinned Alex running her hand down his chest.

Hal twitched as she reached his ticklish spot on his abdomen. Grasping her hand away with a cursory grin. 'I meant after.' His face becoming serious as he brought her hand up to his mouth for a kiss.

'Oh,' Grimaced Alex, her optimism sinking. There was a pause as she searched his face, his brown eyes were looking deep into hers, she could tell he wanted to say something, and for the first time in months, she felt strong enough to accept whatever he said. 'Just tell me Hal.' She whispered to him. 'We promised; no more lies.'

Hal smiled sadly and sighed. 'I almost left last night.' He said finally. Alex blinked.

'What?' She asked.

Hal looked down, 'It seemed the easiest option. And I'm ashamed to say I've always been a bit of a coward.' He stopped, sniffed and brought his eyes back to hers. 'I have been trying to rationalize to myself my behavior, coming up with solutions that made sense at the time, but skirted the main issue.' He gave a grim smile 'Rather effectively actually.'

'What Hal?' said Alex. If this had been a day ago, she was sure she would have pulled away from him, but instead she brought her other hand out to cover his. 'I'm ready to hear it now.' She said. For a brief moment a stab of fear gripped her spine, she swallowed and pushed it away.

'A couple of days ago, I realized,' Hal faltered, his face going hot, his body close to panic, 'That is to say, I finally understood that-'

'Hal,' Interrupted Alex as gently as she could. 'Please, just say it.'

'I-I… _need it_.' Hal whispered. His eyes began to fill and she felt his whole body vibrate through his clasped hands. Alex stared in shock at Hal a familiar chill starting to creep through her spine.

He wasn't seeing her any more. She looked down at her hands in his, but she didn't withdraw them, instead she gripped harder. 'Hal, I'm sorry, I know this is hard, but I don't understand; what do you need?'

Hal shook his head, his own humiliation at the revelation removing all courage. He shook his head shamefully. 'Hal, you have to say it.'

Hal looked up at her, his eyes filled with shame; 'I need, that is, I miss the… I need _blood_ Alex. And the fact that I can't, not ever again, makes me want to… makes me… miss…'

There was a pause. How was she supposed to answer this? How could anyone sit calmly and listen and try to understand _this_? The familiar panic and recoil came back to her; she could feel herself pulling away.

'What?' She whispered, her own voice trembling at the effort to stay where she was.

''E misses the monster.' Came a voice from the other side of the open door. Alex started, distracted and startled out of her alarming train of thought. Both looked up as Tom shuffled in, he was in the same clothes as last night, and he couldn't meet either of their eyes.

'Tom,' Began Alex, all thoughts of Hal's revelations put aside as she tried to get out of bed, then remembering she had nothing on apart from her vest. Hal got up and moved around to the other side of the bed. 'Tom, Oh God Tom. Please, please come here.' She pleaded, leaning towards him, Tom moved forward slowly.

'am sorry Alex, ah shouldn't a done what I did.'

'Oh shut up you miserable mutt.' She said pulling him into a bear hug that brought him thumping down on the space Hal had vacated. 'Don you _dare_ apologize fer _anything_.' She said, tears coming into her eyes. 'What I said last night Tom, was cruel, evil and a bloody _bastard_ thing to say.' She took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. 'And I am never gonna stop being sorry for it. _Ever_.'

She looked back at both of them, placing herself at the head of the triangle. Tom understood what Hal meant, and Hal had always understood Tom's needs, it had been her that had stubbornly, rigidly refused to show either of them any inch of compassion, and now she knew why. 'I have been so selfish. I've been unwilling to listen to anything you two have to say and' she took a breath, 'I've been too scared to even try and empathize.'

She took a breath. 'You can tell me now. 'She looked at Tom again, 'Tom, please.'

Tom's blanched, he wasn't ready for this. If they had known how close he was to running away back to the woods he was last night. He looked wildly at Alex, then helplessly at Hal, hoping that his friend would once again step in to save him, like he had before.

'It's alright Tom,' Hal said with a smile. 'Do you want me to go first?' Tom nodded feverishly.

Hal swallowed, he had half hoped the former werewolf would refuse his offer; right now he felt more vulnerable and helpless than he had on the battlefields in Belarus. _This is your last chance._

Hal bowed his head, took a large breath, it felt like every since being human, he had struggled, going from one gut-wrenching experience to the other while getting nowhere._ Perhaps this will finally will lead to peace._

'You have no idea, what blood tastes like to a vampire.' He said, again avoiding their eyes, he licked his lips, his throat had gone so dry. 'It is, indescribable. It's like every ecstasy you could experience in one. Better then food, wine, drugs, sex, _everything _one could possibly know; and yet it's more, like describing a Holbein to someone who'd only seen a stick-figure drawing.' He blinked, he was losing them, and himself. He had to bring it back. 'When I was 'bad' I gorged on it, reveling in every glorious part. It drove me to the vicious heights and evil lows and I welcomed it.' He paused, forcing out the memories that threatened to entice him. 'When I was 'sober', I abstained as long as I could, but it was never forever and I knew it. The cycles were exactly that; going round and around, always returning to the… _bliss_ I always knew I would have again.' Hal paused again, this was too hard, voicing it was too hard. 'But now… but now I know that I won't, that I can't and, and that fact makes me want to be the monster again and… the _horror_ I feel at that realization,' Hal's eyes blinked, tears starting to fall as his voice broke, '_Paralyses me_.'

Alex and Tom stared. Sitting across from them was a man in pieces that they realized had never been fully whole; so filled with self-horror and loathing and so completely lost. Alex wanted to say something. Her heart was breaking at the struggle her love was going through that she hadn't even wanted to notice; He has always thought himself incurable, unworthy and unwilling to accept his second chance.

'Ah never saw the wolf as a curse.' Tom said quietly, breaking the silence from Alex and wracking breath from Hal. 'It weren't no burden for me, it _were_ me.' He swallowed too, raising his hand to his chest, 'McNaire said it made yer stronger, and what is one night running free, where ya one with nature anyways? Why's that bad?' He looked at Alex and Hal – who had raised his head to study him, 'An we did a lot of good. We killed vampires, we saved hundredsa people from being eaten by em. How's that a curse?' He was getting upset, his voice getting faster.

'I were helpin people. I didn't want it gone, it were a parta me. The wolf was me.' He turned to Alex. 'Hal takin me along on those hunts, it were helpin me. Ah was helping people again, getting rid a vampires, ah hava purpose. It may not be servin up milk with scones or foldin a napkin into a swan normal, but it's _my_ normal.'

There was silence. None of them wanted to say anything. Alex had never felt so wretched, she saw now how her own problems were self-centered; she had a family still, she had a normal life that she not only could remember, but she knew she could return to as easy as breathe. She looked at Hal and Tom; she didn't have to mourn the loss of the monster inside; they did. If she was honest, she knew she had never been a monster like them in the first place.

Tentatively, she reached out to both of them. 'You two need to think about what you want, have time to… grieve for your old lives. Without interference from people like me who have no idea what you are going through.'

'Alex, We didn't mean that.' Said Hal.

'No, but I do. I thought that being a ghost, we were all monsters together, but we weren't. I was still always me.' She put her hand in one of theirs and squeezed. 'Ah wanted us to be normal and human. But maybe being a vampire hunter is the new normal,' she said looking at Tom, ' and maybe the path back to being human is going to take a lot of time, and support, and _understanding_,' she said looking at Hal, 'If that's what you decide you want?'

Hal looked at her. He couldn't believe how close he had come to giving in, to running away. He saw her now and he saw the years melt together, he saw her smiling as he presented her with a ring, of laughing as he rubbed her expanding tummy, walking hand in hand with their children, of seeing their children grow up. He held her hand and knew he was going to see her face age, wrinkle and fade, and he wanted to see that happen as much as he wanted to see his face change.

'Of course it's what I want.' He said, tears coming down his face again. The blood would become a memory, one that he would maybe talk to Alex about, sometimes Tom, but never his children; and there would be children, and laughter, and happiness and harmony.

All three smiled.

* * *

Later that day, Alex was in the kitchen while Tom and Hal moved silently around the house. Hal came through the doors without making a sound, watching Alex' back as she made another cup of tea, sniffing loudly.

After a moment, he cleared his throat making her jump.

'_Jesus_. You gotta stop that, and here I was thinkin it was a ninja vampire thing.' she said with an angry laugh as she rubbed her hands into her eyes. 'Look at us; we're human for less ten months and we've already cried more than alcoholics in AA.'

'I think therapy will be a good start.' Ventured Hal.

Alex laughed, but the sound died in her throat as the validity of his words hit her. From behind his back, Hal reached around and lay very delicately on the kitchen table a small black mobile. Alex looked down at it.

'I couldn't fix your old one. But the man at the phone shop was able to find your ah, '_simmer'_ card when I brought him the pieces which he put into this.' Hal's eyes looked at Alex. 'I think it's time you went to experience normal life with your family.'

Alex looked down at the phone, slowly releasing his hand to pick it up. She nodded. 'I think you're right.' She looked up 'but what about you and Tom?'

'We'll be fine.' Said Hal. 'Everything is in the open now. And you were right, Tom and I need to mourn our past, not you; you have to get back into touch with yours.'

'I'll come back though.' She said, wrapping her arms around him.

'I know you will. And we will be here. And maybe we will find another place and make new memories, or maybe we will stay. But,' he said, bringing his head to rest on hers, 'we will do it together.'

'What about Tom?' Asked Alex, 'What if he keeps killin vampires?'

Hal looked up and shrugged, 'Then if that is best for him, then let him. I have met many humans that were, he can live that way if it is the right path for him.'

'And you?' Alex searched his face. 'What about your path.'

Hal paused. 'I see it being longer than yours and harder than Tom's. But blood in now my past; I see _you_ as my future.'

'And wanting it? Will that go?' she asked tentatively.

Hal thought for a second. '_Our torments... may in length of time; Become our Elements_.'

The End.

* * *

**So here are both endings. One sad, one happy.**

**But there is an epilogue. An 'extra scene' – Being Human style.**

**If you like this ending, or the one before, you can see what happened next. Or you can end here.**

**References:**

**Two Milton quotes – lucky you!**

**'_This horror will grow mild, this darkness light."_**

**_John Milton Paradise Lost_**

**'_Our torments also may in length of time; Become our Elements'_**

**John Milton Paradise Lost**

**Okay so I chose this one because it is ambiguous. It can be interpreted (out of context as it is) like dealing with a death – you never forget, but you learn to live with it and move on. Or, that they, over time become all consuming and powerful, until they will take over.**

**Like Hal, deliciously uncertain.**


	19. Epologue

**Epilogue**

**A little Possible 'what happened next'. It could be when Hal left the house in ending one, or a bit further down the line in ending two but I think this is what Hal's final ending was always going to be.**

**I own nothing. But thank you so much for letting me play with these characters**

* * *

_Later_

He had tried to live without it. Now he knew he couldn't.

He headed for London. He knew it well and he knew where to look.

He had picked her carefully; her clothes suggested killed in the 80s and her facial appearance made him think her recruiter had done it on a dare. She was alone, and from the way she kept on looking around, she was hunting. Their eyes had met a few times, he had smiled, she had smiled back. After half an hour he had sauntered up next to her and offered to buy her a drink.

She had looked at him with that all too familiar hunger in her eyes as she smiled. 'You know, I'm actually very thirsty,' a ghoulish grin on her too thin lips for that fat face. 'Think you can help?'

Hal groaned inwardly, _Oh good, a comedienne_, but kept the smile on his lips.

''I've noticed you over there.' She began, 'what made you come over?' she tossed her limp hair to the side as she fluttered her eyes.

'I don't know,' he began, turning to the bar and noticing his refection in the mirror behind the array of spirits. He looked at his face, he really did look quite charming, he thought as he sat facing an empty chair. 'Can I tell you a secret?' He asked conspiratorially.

'Oh do.' She grinned. 'If you're lucky, I may even share one back.'

_Oh save me from this joker_, he thought, but continued with barely a twitch. 'There is a choice I have to make of which there can be two outcomes,' He said. 'The fairest way I could think of doing this was to find someone impartial,' he indicated her with a flattering bow, 'And play the best hand I could.'

'Can't you decide on your own?' She asked, her eyes meeting his with interest, her hunger temporarily forgotten.

He signaled the barman 'I am in two minds. But both have decided to be at peace with whatever the result will be. I was hoping you could help me make the choice.'

She opened her mouth. 'Really?' Her eyes darted to his neck. _Jesus, was it always that obvious? _He thought. 'Sounds risky,'

'True, but after all; What is life without risk?' Hal said with half a smile. 'I am so tired of trying to be in control of everything, I decided to give it to another, just this once.'

She looked at him, momentarily confused, he smiled again, her head to one side. Finally after a moment she said 'What's your name?'

He had smiled his most seductive smile at her as he pulled a chair up behind him. 'My name's Ha…' he paused. 'Harry.' He said as he lifted her proffered hand to his lips for a kiss.

_The End._


End file.
